are you that somebody

Thirty-Two

Three months later, I walked out of the rehab and immediately made eye contact with the woman who I would appreciate for the rest of my life. I grinned before running over to her, jumping into her arms and throwing my face into her neck. "We just saw each other yesterday." Kandi said with a giggle, hugging me back gently.

"I missed you," I mumbled into her neck. She laughed again, whispering back that she missed me as well before telling me to get down so she could look at me properly.

"Wow," she said, looking me over quietly with a smile on her face. "My best friend is really going to be a mom." I smiled brightly, looking down at my small but swollen belly.

"I know. It's surreal. My own mini me."

"Or mini him." Kandi said. Before this program, I would have snapped on her about bringing him up but since I started it, I haven't been snappy. I learned to control my anger that was geared towards not only him but other people that abandoned me in my time of need especially since I'm carrying this baby inside of me and that's one of the good things I have going on for me right now.

"They're not going to be like him." Was all I said before looking over at the vendors that they had for us today. "Hungry?" I asked, changing the subject.

"No, but you can eat." I nodded and headed towards the Italian cart slowly. "Has anyone tried contacting you about when you'll be released?" Kandi asked. I shook my head, turning to face her slightly.

"I don't even wanna leave. I like it here." I admitted.

"I know. But this isn't a resort, B. It's a rehab and I've talked to the therapist who worked with you. You're a lot better than you were before. You know what your triggers are and you have other ways of coping. They think you're well enough to be sent home soon, B." I pursed my lips together.

"I don't want to go back to reality." I murmured.

"But you have to. You need to get ready for this baby which is by the way, on the way a lot sooner than you think." I knew she was right but I wasn't going to admit it. "And also, you need to do something about the child's father."

"The fuck am I supposed to do about him?" I questioned a lot more angrily than I would have liked.

"He's been calling you for months now."

"So?"

"So, obviously he loves and misses you too." I didn't respond, reading off the menu instead. "Bili," Kandi hissed. I turned to her swiftly, hands on my hips.

"What?"

"I'm tired of these one word answers and questions. Tell me how you fucking feel!"

"I don't fucking know how I feel. I'm mad and I'm sad. He has no right to fucking call me like he wasn't the one who gave up. I wanted to fight and try but he gave up like what we had was garbage." Tears welled in my eyes again. "I don't want anything to do with him because he's just like the rest of them."

"He loves you, he told me himself."

"Well, I tell you a lot too. But it's not to say it, it's to make people believe it and you." So much for not snapping on anyone because of him anymore.

I felt the overwhelming urge to vomit rise in my body. I sniffled as I took a step to the side. "And if you excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." I whispered before side stepping and quickly rushing towards the bathroom. Once I was inside, I crouched down and immediately let out the remains of my breakfast.

Once I was sure I was done, I flushed the toilet then made my way over to the sink to rinse my mouth, brush my teeth then wash my hands and headed back to the lunch. But I found Kandi standing at my room door, hand up, ready to knock. "I was worried about you." She started. I nodded slowly then motioned for her to go.

We walked down the hallway side by side and I kept my head down, trying to prevent my mind from going haywire and over thinking every little thing. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought him up." Kandi whispered.

Nodding slowly, I cleared my throat. "Thanks,"

"But, can we talk about him briefly?" She asked.

"No, Kandi. I don't want anything to remind me of him anymore. This child is the last piece that I ever want to be of him and even though I despise the thought of them looking like him, I just fucking know they're going to be his twin. So no, I don't want to talk about him."

"But you talk about him with the therapists."

"No I don't. Xing was a problem of mine but he isn't the problem. We talked about him twice. Once directly and the other indirectly and it wasn't long either time. He might have hurt me, but he wasn't what made me this way." I shrugged. "And I'm tired of talking about him. Can we please for the love of all things Holy, change the subject?" I pleaded. Kandi nodded.

"So, we decided on the new product." Kandi announced. I looked over at her, a small smile on my face.

"Finally. What did you choose?" I questioned.

"Baby formula." I raised my eyebrow. "Look, I know that you haven't made food yet but I think this might be the best way to venture out. I mean, you're pregnant. You want your baby using organic and natural formula if you want to formula feed him or her."

"I didn't say anything was wrong with what you're doing Kandi. I love it." I told her honestly. "Damn, you could've been the CEO then entire time." I said with a wink. She shook her head quickly.

"I actually don't want that stress on me."

"And I do? I'm pregnant, bitch." I said making both of us laugh.

"I never thought I'd see the day you were carrying a baby. You made sure everyone was careful to wear a condom."

"Yeah," I chuckled, scratching the back of my neck. "I thought I wouldn't be here until I got married or something." To that, Kandi chuckled.

"Don't take this the wrong way but I also never thought you ever be married. You don't seem like the marry type." I giggled.

"Why, thank you." I responded, still laughing. "I actually don't think I'll get married ever actually. That love shit is for the birds. Definitely won't be trying it again." Kandi just stared at me for a second then stopped walking, pulling me into a hug. "What's this for?"

"No reason." She whispered and I swore she was crying. But I didn't say anything, wrapping my arms around her and closing my eyes to savor the hug.

"When I do get out of here, can you come with me to go shopping? I know I won't be able to fit any of the clothes I have at home. I already can't fit the clothes I have here right now." I asked.

Kandi laughed, sniffling and pulled back. "Yeah, of course. You know I love shopping with you and for you."