Safe

-3- Rhett

Kendra Lincoln

I knock on the frame of the door, Rhett close behind me as I poke my head through the open entryway. Holt's laying on the bed, reading a Harry Potter book, I had bought the whole series for him not too long ago.

"How's the book?" I ask as his eyes dart up to mine and he snaps the book shut.

He looks around before his eyes fall back to the closed book in his hand. I'm starting to catch on to things like this. To the things he does when something startles him. How he grounds himself again.

"It's g-good." His voice catches slightly as he notices Rhett behind me.

"Good." I smile warmly. "We were wondering if we could talk about some things?"

His head nods slightly as he shifts on the bed, swinging his legs down so that his feet hit the floor.

I take a seat next to him, leaving him a comfortable space surrounding and Rhett sits beside me, nearly in my lap.

"Just a couple of things, okay?" I'm trying to reassure him because he already seems tense.
"Tomorrow if you don't like this therapist, we can find another. But we hope you decide to utilize the sessions. We think they could help otherwise we wouldn't ask you to give it another try, okay?"

His head bobs as he gives me a quiet,"Yes ma'am".

"Rhett spoke with our lawyer and your social worker today. They've already sent the paperwork over to the prison your dad is in so that he can sign his rights away. After that it should just be a few weeks before we can get a court hearing to make it official."

I glance at Rhett, unsure of whether I should bring the last thing up. But Rhett nods his head, urging me on.

"Lastly, we need to know his name Holt so we can file a police report."

His name barely leaves my lips before he blurts "why?"

I can already hear the fear in his voice and I know whatever happens next will not be what Rhett wants. It's not what I want either. But I'm not sure we should press the matter.

"Honey, I know you're scared." I say gently. "But you're safe and he needs to be held accountable for what he's done, we need to press charges."

Whoever he is.

Holt shakes his head back and forth, shifting farther away from me. "I don't want to press charges."

"Why wouldn't you?" Rhett asks.

Holt jumps to his feet, his hands fisting his dark hair as he puts more distance between us. I can see the rapid rise and fall of his chest and I'm worried he's on the edge of another panic attack. His daily count is growing not decreasing.

"Please." He begs. "Please, he can't find out I told you."

His eyes meet mine, pooled with tears and swimming in fear. My heart hurts so badly for Holt.

"I can't see him. Please." He pleads.

"You won't have to ever again, once the investigation and trial is over." Rhett pushes. "He'll be in jail."

I grab his hand and squeeze it, trying to warn him we need to come back to this topic later. Much later.

"You don't know that." He whispers and I can't hold myself still any longer. "You don't know him. They won't believe me."

I'm careful, watching Holt closely as I stand. Even though he's looking at the floor, I know he's watching me.

"We believe you son." Rhett tells him.

He shakes his head, his shoulders shuddering. "Please, don't make me."

I'm standing near Holt now, close enough that I don't have to reach too far to be able to touch his arm.

"It's okay Holt." I say. "We don't have to, will talk about it later."

As I go to reach out for him to offer him some comfort, he jumps so violently I realize we've already lost him to his demons for the moment.

————————

"How does that not shake you up?" Rhett asks me later that night as we lay in the darkness of our room. "I mean, it's like he's there one second and in another world the next. And the terror...I just..."

I grab his hand beneath the covers, our fingers lacing as I squeeze it.

"It does rattle me. Every single time." I reassure him.

"Wouldn't putting this asshole, whoever he is, behind bars make him feel better?" He wonders.

I don't know if it's that simple. So I take a moment to gather my thoughts and explain this in a way that Rhett can empathize with.

"I think that we need to let Holt decide what he thinks is best for him." I say gently.

"Yeah, I get that but he just doesn't want to press charges because he's afraid." He argues. "He doesn't have to be afraid now."

"Remember how we felt losing our two babies? And everything everyone said? 'You can always try again' or 'at least you weren't that far along'. I know they were just trying to comfort us but it didn't change the fact that we were grieving and that we loved our babies and we were devastated at their loss."

Bringing up our miscarriages hasn't gotten any easier. I still feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest, cut in half and returned that way, never to be full again.

"I think that maybe what we think is right may not actually be what's best for Holt." I add.

Rhett shifts in the bed, his lips finding my cheek as he mumbles against my skin. "How are you so incredible and understanding?"

I smile at his words. "I just want us to be the parents he should have had."

Rhett pulls me close, his hand finding my stomach, where it slips underneath the fabric of my shirt. He runs his hand along my skin, leaving a trail of warm tingles as he goes.

"I can't wait for this to all be official." He says. "For Holt to be adopted, maybe it'll help. And for this little nugget to be here." I snuggle closer, the warmth of his hand comforting but his words even more so. "It's exciting."

"It is." I agree.

"And also really terrifying."

I laugh but he's right. "Good thing we have each other."

He hums his agreement into my ear, his hand slowly coming to a stop as he wraps his arms tighter around me.

This man is more than I ever thought a man could be.