Safe

-43- Charity & Forgiveness

Luke "Coach Mo" Morrison

I'm waiting for Ruby in the lobby, my butt sore from the flattened worn out cushion I'm sitting on. I brought papers to grade with me but I've mostly been staring at the ceiling. My mind replaying my mom's visit. If you want to call it that.

Nothing in me wants to see my father again. I barely want to acknowledge he exists. But yet I still feel the smallest pang of guilt now that I know his condition. I've been waiting my whole life to be rid of the man.

The doors click open, Ruby's voice reaching my ears as she converses with the nurse that's pushing her wheelchair.

I put a smile on my face even though my thoughts are grim and shove myself out of the chair. My body protests at the movement, stiff and sore from spending the last hour in the same position.

"Hey, how'd it go?" I ask, the nurse handing Ruby off to me.

I let her bundle back up, not bothering with my coat I've shrugged.

"It was fine. Like it always is."  She says.

I want to tell her that it'll all be worth it. That the treatments and the surgery and the cost of it all, even feeling sick will all be worth it when she's better. But I don't have that guarantee.

We step out of the hospital doors, my truck nearby. The wind whips around us and I put my arm around Ruby in an attempt to shield her from it. Once again I wish I had a remote start for my truck so that it was warmed up for her.

By the time I climb in the driver's seat she's shivering.

"Sorry should have pulled it up."

She gives me a smile, her teeth chattering. "It'll warm up in no time."

She's always been the passive one out of the two of us.

"So I have some news." She says. My heart jumps in my chest because I can't tell if it's good news or not. "This local charity paid all of my medical bills."

My eyes widened and I shake my head as if to clear my ears of cotton. I'm not convinced I heard her correctly.

"What?"

"I know."  She's giddy, not that I blame her. "I still can't believe it. But between that and Barry's life insurance, I think I'll be okay."

I reach for her hand and squeeze it.  I'm not sure I'll ever get used to the fact that he's gone. "You were going to be okay regardless. But I'm glad you don't have to worry about it anymore."

She gives me a sweet smile, her fingers closing around my hand. "Well now you don't have to worry either."

I don't release her hand and she doesn't try to break it either as I navigate one handed through the streets.

"In fact I was thinking, if you're okay with it, putting some of Barry's life insurance away for Birdie." Her voice is soft like maybe she might think I'd take it badly.

"Why wouldn't I be okay with that?" I ask.

I can feel her study me as I drive. "I wasn't sure if there was some unspoken man pride about who pays for Birdie's college."

"No worries I told Barry long ago he was footing that bill." I quip.

She laughs quietly. "Too bad he isn't here to argue."

Grief fills my car, the two of us somber. It takes me a moment to realize that Ruby has started crying.

I've never been great at these moments. Grief for me, comes in waves of anger, not tears. But I hold Ruby's hand tight and listen to her quiet sobbing in silence.

                          ————————

"Luke."

"Hmm?"

There's a basketball game on the TV, the papers I didn't grade at Ruby's appointment spread out across the coffee table.

"Can we talk?"

I hate those three words. They never end well for a man.

Setting my pen down on the table, I look up at Ava giving her my full attention. "About?"

"Your moms visit."

Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail, her going to work outfit on. I hate when she wants to "talk" right before she has to leave for a shift. If we get heated and she leaves without us being able to resolve it I have to go umpteen hours without contact. More than once I've driven to the hospital, afraid I'd finally pissed her off and she was leaving.

"Do we have to?"

"I mean, I think we should." She thinks we should, so we will.

"Alright." I let out a defeated sigh. "What about it?"

She moves a couple of the papers before me sitting down in the clearing she made. Taking my hands, her thumbs rub circles on my skin.

"I just don't want you to have any regrets."

"I-." But she shushes me.

"And I think you need to really think about whether or not you'd regret not seeing him one last time. To get closure, maybe a real apology." Her voice is gentle but I can feel anger start to boil inside me. "That doesn't mean you have to forgive him but I just think maybe it'll help you let go of some of the anger that you have."

I grind my teeth together, forcing myself to take a deep breath.

"You agree with her then?" I ask. "That I'm hateful like him."

"God no Luke." Her face crinkles as she shakes her head. "Absolutely not. But I think you still have a lot of anger because of everything he did. Life is too short to hold on to all of that."

I focus on her hands, to the rhythmic feel of the pads of her thumbs drawing the same circle over and over and over again.

"I can't forgive him." I tell her.

"No one's asking you too."

I hang my head, overwhelmed at the thought of even being in the same room as him. Of having to stand there and not dole out a punishment like he used to give me. I've thought about it more than once.

"Just think about it." She places a kiss on my forehead and I want to wrap my arms around her and hold her close. "See you tomorrow morning." But she has to go to work. "I love you."

I release her hands reluctantly as she stands. "I love you more."

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I had a momentary brain fart and couldn't for the life of me figure out the chapter after this. So after like five rewrites and a lot of hair pulling I finally figured it out. Now cross your fingers I get it done so that daily updates don't end here. 😳