Safe

-5- Man For the Job

Hannah "Birdie" Johnson

I kick my shoes off, closing the door quietly behind me. The house is exceptionally quiet, my mom must be napping. So I pad softly through the house, following the low murmur of the tv coming from the living room.

"Hey."

"I didn't hear you come in." Barry says.

I smile, "I'm sneaky."

He lets out a soft chuckle, turning down the volume on the TV even more.

"How was school?" He asks.

"Not bad. Everyone's freaking out about finals coming but they're still like weeks away." I tell him, I'm not worried about them. The one place I've always excelled school wise has been taking tests. "How's momma been?"

The corners of his lips twitch upward in a sad smile. "She's just real tired."

Between the surgery to remove the tumor and the chemo, she hasn't had a break and it's taking a toll on her. And Barry too.

I flop onto the couch beside him, propping my feet up on the coffee table so that we're mirror images.

"Are you scared?" I whisper the question.

"Terrified." He answers instantly.

We both stare at the tv as it plays quietly.

"I just...I can't see my life without Ruby there." Barry says after a minute and I completely understand.

I can't imagine anything without my mom. She's in all of my dreams and I don't want to even think about not being able to share even the silliest, most unimportant things with her.

"I can't tell if I'm helping or not." Barry adds. "I actually have no idea what I'm doing."

I understand that too. I've felt that a lot recently. Between my mom and Holt, it's like I'm just there, blundering around. Hoping for the best but with no real aim.

"Your dad..you know I love him, he's one of my best friends, but sometimes I just feel like he's better at this than me." Barry confesses. "He's just so good at taking care of you and Ruby, sometimes I feel like maybe it should be him instead of me."

"You take good care of us too." I tell him.

And he does. He's at every one of my basketball games, yelling as loud as he can from the bleachers. He's been there to help me with my math homework and offer advice. When I was younger I took dance for a minute and in one of my classes we got to invite our dads to learn a dance for our recital. At the time my dad was working two jobs and couldn't afford to take the time off to come to the practices. Luckily for me, I have two dads and Barry stepped up, dancing his butt off for my silly recital.

"Thanks." He smiles lightly at me, just like the rest of us though it doesn't reach his eyes. "I tried explaining it to him. He thought I was trying to leaving."

I look over at him, his black hair cut short, his dark skin seemingly ageless. Barry looks the same as he did when I first met him, all those years ago. I swear time has passed but it hasn't touched him.

"I don't know what I'll do if I have to live without her."

Everything feels heavy, my heart aches. I've been trying to hold on to hope. To stay optimistic. The doctors have been saying that they caught it early. The operation went well. The treatment should be effective. So I hold on to that most days. But sometimes fear has a way of creeping up on even the most positive of thoughts until I feel the despair that will surely engulf me if I have to say goodbye to my mom.

"Me neither." I whisper.

Barry wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. I listen to his heartbeat in his chest. I know that I'm lucky. To have my parents and then my step parents. But I didn't realize exactly how lucky I was until I met Holt. And even then I might have taken it for granted still.

"What will happen to us?" I'm a little afraid to know his answer.

Without my mom, there isn't anything to tie me to Barry. He isn't my real dad, he didn't adopt me. He's just a man that married my mom but if she dies he's just a man.

"What do you mean?"

"If she...if she dies. What will happen to us?" I ask again, hating the fact that, that particular sentence can even exist.

"Nothing, I hope." He squeezes me a little tighter. "I always want to be apart of your life, assuming you'll have me."

I nod my head, tears flooding my eyes. Of course I want Barry to stay in my life. I know that it's not necessarily normal to have two dads and two moms but I've had two dads and two moms for so long I don't know what life would be like without them all.

"Duh." It comes out on a breath as I try to relieve some of the sadness that is weighing me down.

He chuckles, a quiet rumble in his chest. "Good." I feel him kiss my hair. "We're going to be just fine."

I think he says it more for himself but I believe him. Maybe I have to. To make this all seem less threatening.

"I hope you know how much I love you Birdie."

I smile, squeezing my arms a little tighter. "I love you too."

                               ———————

It's a shorty but I'm excited to show you a little more of some of these characters.

Also the cabinets are finally in! It was ridiculous and took forever and I may have lost my shit on some Home Depot employees. But they're in and they look great and now we have to do the ENTIRE floor 🤦‍♀️. My mom better love the shit out of my brother and I 🤣.