Safe

-34- Announcements & Cookies

Holt Jacobs

I'm back in the family room watching Ari and Mia play video games. Mrs. Lincoln has checked on me several times, Mr. Lincoln too but much less frequently.

"Told you!" Mia sings, dancing in a circle her brown ponytail swinging along with her. "I win, you lose."

Ari scoffs, "whatever, this game is dumb anyway".

"You're just sour because you keep losing." Mia pokes fun.

Mia reminds me a little of Birdie. Happy and light hearted and full of life. Ari on the other hand is moody and cool and I think she might dislike me. I hope that's not the case but she's been sneaking glances at me, studying me when she thinks I'm not looking. I'm sure that whatever Mr. Lincoln said to Brody's parents has gotten back to Ari and she probably doesn't believe me.

"I'm going to go see how much longer until presents." Mia announces. "Holt you should play."

She passes me the controller as she walks by and I stare at it for a moment before I look at Ari.

She shrugs her shoulders, her brown hair has a dark red tint to it that I don't remember being there at Thanksgiving.

"She's such a little kid." Ari murmurs. "You don't have to play if you don't want."

The tension mounts in the room as I struggle with what the right answer is. Ari pulls the controller from her wrist, hesitating as she sets it down. I watch her out of the corner of my eye as I stare at my lap, my heart is beating out of control as my mind starts to replay the last time I was in this room.

"So...how are your ribs?" Ari's voice is softer than it normally is, a little gentle almost.

I swallow hard, wrapping my arm around myself protectively. "F-fine."

She rakes her hair back with her hand, I catch the movement as I risk a glance at her. I'm nervous, my body wanting to move to expel some of the stress but I know better.

"I didn't know." She says. "About Brody. What he did."

My ribs are healed but I swear I can still feel the pain as Ian's fist collided with them, Brody holding me there. My stomach rolls.

I tense as she comes closer, sitting down in the chair that's beside me. "I broke up with him."

"I'm sorry." I blurt.

I'm aware how not under control I sound. I let my fingers tap against my ribs and I try to breathe in for four and out for four.

"Why are you sorry?"

I meet Ari's confused gaze, her eyebrows pinched together as she regards me curiously.

"You liked him." I say softly.

She laughs through her nose, irritation evident. "Yeah, I did. But I don't want to be with someone that can do that to another person."

I don't understand why she'd even care. I'm nobody to her.

"Besides, we're going to officially be family in a few days." She adds. "And family sticks together."

                             ————————

I'm sitting next to Mrs. Lincoln in the living room, the rest of her family mingling around us, talking loud. A massive tree that towers above everything, reaching up into the vaulted ceiling where a star is perched. It's covered in white lights, red and silver ornaments hanging from the limbs. Presents spilling out from underneath it in colorful paper with fancy bows.

The last time I celebrated Christmas was before him. I was with a foster family, they had a couple other kids. They got me my own basketball for Christmas that year. I felt safe there.

"How are you doing honey?" Mrs. Lincoln leans closer to me but she doesn't make contact.

"I'm okay." Maybe for the first time in a long time I actually mean it. For the moment anyway.

"We love you." She tells me, smiling even though her eyes are filled with tears.

I've noticed she's always quick to cry. What I haven't figured out is if this is because she's pregnant or if it's just her and I never noticed before. But it seems more frequent than not.

Mr. Lincoln sits beside her, leaning across to join our quiet conversation.

"Should I start our announcement off before presents or after?"

"Before." Mrs. Lincoln says, wiping at her eyes. "Meghan is getting suspicious."

"Meghan's always suspicious. You can't tell." Mr. Lincoln tells her.

"Do it now." She wrings her hands together in her lap and I can feel her nerves seep into me.

He doesn't hesitate, eagerly jumping up from where he was seated beside us and calling the attention of the room.

"Alright, Alright! Before we do presents Kendra, Holt and I have some very exciting news." Mr. Lincoln tells the room.

"We already know about the adoption." Mrs. Lincoln's Uncle says. "You know Megs she can't keep a secret."

"That wasn't a secret." Rhett laughs. "But that's exactly why we didn't tell her this one."

He grabs Mrs. Lincoln's hand pulling her to her feet as he waves for me to stand.

I don't want to stand.

But I do it anyway, trying to hide behind Mrs. Lincoln as I do.

"So everyone knows how excited we are for Holt to officially be apart of the family. You're all invited over after the adoption." Mr. Lincoln explains, his smile so large it almost looks painful. "And we just found out, we're a family of four! Kendra's pregnant! It's a girl!"

He shouts the last lines as the noise erupts in the living room and my breath stops in my throat.

I don't want to ruin this moment. But the rush of bodies coming to hug the Lincoln's makes panic flare inside me. I'm not even aware I said anything until Mrs. Lincoln calls my name.

Locating her in the mass, my heart slams in my chest as my lungs scream for air and I suck in a breath. It sounds more like a wheeze but everything doesn't sound so muffled like it did a moment before.

"You're safe." Mrs. Lincoln tells me.

Shaking my head I tell her I'm sorry.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

I glance over her shoulder at the rest of her family. They're all watching me intently. The chaos from a moment ago much more controlled as Mr. Lincoln creates a buffer between them and Mrs. Lincoln.

"I-I didn't mean to." I say.

She smiles at me, moving slow as she raises a hand to brush back some of my hair from my face. I manage not to jump, anticipating her touch.

"Everything's okay." But it doesn't feel like it. It feels like I keep messing up. "Maybe we should get you a haircut soon?"

I nod my head absentmindedly, not keeping up with her change of topics.

"Everyone's just excited. They're not going to hurt you." Her hand falls gently on my shoulder and I swallow hard. "I promise. You're safe here."

She turns back to the family saying something to Mr. Lincoln before she's focused back on me.

"Come on, let's go get a cookie. Your little sister is craving one." She muses.

I'm scared shitless at those words.

                              ———————

Happy New Year's Eve, I'm making cupcakes!