Safe

-37- Thank You

Kendra Lincoln

"Please state your names for the record." The judge asks even though we've already said them while we got sworn in moments before.

"Everett Lincoln." Rhett announces, his name bouncing off the walls of the court chamber.

"Kendra Lincoln." I follow him.

I smile at Holt who looks at me nervously before saying, "Holt Jacobs".

"Very good." The judge says, shifting through some papers on his desk before he looks up at the three of us and smiles. "Can you tell me why you wish to adopt Holt?"

I look over at Holt. He's standing, rigid beside me, head down staring at the ground. His dark hair is a mess, we never did make time for a haircut the past few days. He looks handsome, albeit uncomfortable, but handsome nonetheless in the dark gray suit I bought him for today.

I can't believe we're standing here, that we made it. That in a few short minutes Holt will officially be apart of the family. He will no longer have to fear being sent back, being pulled from a loving and stable environment. But mostly importantly he'll finally have parents and Rhett and I get to be those parents.

"Your honor, from the moment my husband and I met Holt we felt as though he had always been apart of our family." I have to stop, take a deep breath and hope the tears stay pooled in my eyes as I try to continue. "We are just..." the tears don't stay. "So grateful we get to be apart of his life." My voice shakes and quivers. "We love him, so much. Sorry."

I wipe the tears that are running down my face, sharing a smile with Rhett.

"And Holt, do you wish to be adopted by Everett and Kendra?" The judge asks Holt.

His head bobs instantly, words following slower. "Y-Yes sir. More than anything."

He's timid, his voice quiet as he speaks. I want to reach out and pull him to me but I've already told myself I won't. Not unless I ask him first.

Turning my attention back to the judge, he shuffles through some papers, regarding them quickly before he clears his throat and looks up.

"I don't see any reason why we can't move forward with this adoption then. I have to say this is my favorite part about my job and I'm grateful to be apart of this with you." I suck in a breath even though I already know what's going to happen but I can't help it. He picks up his gavel, smacking it against wood as he says "Congratulations Holt Lincoln."

Even through the commotion of our family and friends standing behind us, I hear Holt let out this heavy breath. Like a weight has just been lifted from his shoulders and I turn to look at him through bleary eyes.

A look of relief washes over him, some of the tension he usually holds fading from his face and he drops into the chair behind him with a thud. His hands fist in his hair and he leans over, elbows rested on his knees. Alarm shoots through me and I crouch beside him, Rhett mirroring me on the other side.

"It's okay son." Rhett says. "You're safe."

His body trembles and I know he must be crying.

"Holt, honey, what's wrong?"

He shakes his head and I can't stop myself from reaching out and placing my hand on his leg. The action draws his attention to me, his face stained with streaks.

Through his tears he desperately tells us "thank you".

————————

I lean against the wall, watching as Birdie, Drew, Ari and Mia play a game on Rhett's N64. Holt's on the couch watching, quietly observing like he always is. But he looks more at ease than he ever has before and I hope that it continues. That he finally has the security he's been missing.

"I need to talk to you." Meghan's voice whispers in my ear.

I don't want to leave. I want to continue being able to watch Holt, his friends in the room bringing a small smile to his face that I don't even think he realizes has happened. I want to take this moment in, so I can cherish it for years to come.

"Now." Meghan urges and I feel her tug my arm.

I let out a breath but turn to follow her through my house. She takes us to Rhett's office, closing the door behind her.

"What's wrong?" I ask, her behavior suspicious.

"Why didn't you tell me about Brody?"

Her light brown hair is long, spilling over her shoulders and down her back in big chunky curls. Make up flawless, jeans hugging her body she spends hours in the gym working on, a designer shirt no doubt. Meghan always was the more fashionable out of the two of us.

"We didn't even find out until thanksgiving night." I tell her.

"I just found out." She snaps. "Ari only told me because Mia said she would if she didn't."

I smile, Mia is becoming a very empathetic young woman with a distinct perspective on right and wrong.

"Why wouldn't you tell me?" She demands.

I let out a breath, understanding where Meghan is coming from but also annoyed at her turning this around to make her seem like some sort of victim. The only victim here in my opinion is Holt.

"Meghan." I breathe, leaning against Rhett's desk. "Sit."

Her stomping around Rhett's office is bothering me.

"I don't want to sit." She argues. "Did you at least report it to the police?"

I shake my head. "No we didn't. Holt didn't want us too."

"Oh my gosh Kendra. You're the parent." Her hands wave at me exasperated. "You don't let him make decisions like that."

I remind myself that I love my sister. I love her determination and stubbornness. Her ability to speak her mind. Her aggressive way of loving that all too often comes off more abrasive than anything. I remind myself that her frustration is because she loves me, she cares, even though all I want to do is tell her to shut up.

She's still telling me how to parent when I cut her off, "he's scared Meghan. And we're trying to gain his trust."

"What does that have anything to do with this?" She asks.

"We can't force him to do things."

I'm trying to explain it. To explain how I know making Holt do something will only backfire. That we have to give him options, we have to let him make decisions. That whoever he is, took that away from him. And we won't do the same.

"He's a kid, he doesn't know what's good for him."

"You don't understand."

Her hands land on her hips. "Then make me understand Kendra."

I sigh. Feeling like my hand is forced even though I don't want to keep telling all of Holt's secrets.

"He was raped Meghan. In one of the homes he was in."

Her shoulders sag slightly, hand covering her mouth as she falls silent. She watches me, eyes searching mine like maybe she thinks I might be joking. Though I'm not sure why anyone would ever joke about such a thing. I take her silence as a chance to explain.

"He has complex PTSD. It's similar to PTSD but it's caused from on going trauma. And he has panic attacks alongside flashbacks."

Her eyes have glossed over with tears as she mumbles "oh my god" and before I can say anything else she throws her arms around me.

"That poor boy." She cries. I hug my sister back. "Thank god you have him."

                            ————————

There are not enough hours in the day for me to write.