Safe

-30- He Wouldn't Leave

Hannah "Birdie" Morrison

Ty pulls into my dad's driveway but I'm staring at my mom's. Barry's car in the driveway covered in snow.

I let the tears fall.

The house is dark, none of the Christmas lights Barry spent all morning hanging lit up because no one was there to plug them in.

"Ava and Erin made it back." Ty announces.

But I can't look away from my mom's.

"Birdie?"

There aren't any words left in me. Only grief and tears.

"Come on." Ty says gently. "Let's get you inside."

But I can't get my body to move. My eyes still fixated on the house. How it still looks the same, like it doesn't know yet that Barry won't ever come back.

"Birdie."

I feel the warmth of Ty's hand as it closes around mine, lacing our fingers. Slowly my eyes drop to where our hands are sitting on my leg, Ty's skin dark against mine, the shadows of the car disguising the cuff of his coat as I follow his arm up to his chest. The hood of his sweatshirt bundled up against his neck, his jaw line lost in the darkness of the night around us.

His lips are full, slightly parted as he lets out a breath between them, his nose slightly crooked on his face until I reach his eyes, dark glistening orbs watching me tentatively.

I'm desperate for the hurt to stop, for the devastation that feels like it's eating me alive to go away. So without thinking I lean across his center console and press my lips to his.

He kisses me back, his hand reaching up into my hair as he holds me close. That is until he pulls away, pressing himself against the driver's side door.

"Birdie..."

"I should just go in." I say, embarrassed.

Reaching for the door handle, a flood of new tears rushing to my eyes, Ty grabs my arm.

"Wait, Birdie, it's not that I don't want to kiss you." He says. "I just don't want to do it right now. While you're upset."

"It's fine Ty." I blow him off. "It was probably a bad idea anyway."

Pulling my arm from his grasp, I climb out tugging my gym bag with me.

"Birdie!"

But I don't stop, slamming the car door before I stalk off to my dad's just as a new wave of tears fall.

I reach the door, wishing Ty would just drive off so I could seek solitude on the porch. I'm not ready to face Ava and Erin. I'm not ready to see their red rimmed eyes and hear their grief. I don't want to hear them talk about Barry. About how they can't believe it.

I know they're hurting too.

But he's my step dad.

I put my hand on the door knob, twisting it slowly. I want to be alone. So as quiet as can be I nudge the door open, sliver bells threatening to give away my entrance hanging on the door.

Snow crunches beneath Ty's tires as he finally starts to leave but by then I've nearly got the door wide open and I have this feeling he won't actually pull out of the driveway until he sees me close the door behind me.

So I do just that, holding my breath to not add to any noise as I press the door back into the frame. The tv is on and I'm glad.

I creep to my room, padding softly up the stairs and down the hallway before I reach my door. I let out a breath as I close it, locking the door which I've never done.

My breath shakes as I finally release it, my eyes sweeping over my things. I drop my bag on the floor, not bothering to unpack it as I cross my room to a bunch of framed pictures on top of my dresser.

There's one in particular that has caught my eye. It's my dad, Barry and I at the last father daughter dance I had wanted to go too. I had this obnoxious flowered dress on, my hair straightened down my back. My dad and Barry in suits. All three of us smiling at the camera.

My eyes blur, distorting our smiling faces until all I can see are blobs of fuzzy color. This wasn't supposed to be how things went. I shouldn't be seventeen losing my step dad while my mom has cancer. My hands clench into fists, tears streaming down my face, my teeth smashed together, my heart feels like it might just break in half.

My jaw aches, anger suddenly bursting through me and I slam the picture face down onto the dresser.

He said he wouldn't leave.

                            ————————

It's not one of those "just kidding wrong guy" scenarios. Please don't hate me.