Safe

-38- Friends

Hannah "Birdie" Morrison

"You suck." I shove Drew's shoulder as he laughs at me.

"Toad is a maniac." He muses, a smile on his face.

I set the controller on the ground, standing up as I say "I need a break, Holt you're up."

"I need a break too." Holt's cousin Ari says, leaving her sister still sitting on the floor.

"They're weak." Her sister Mia says which makes Drew laugh.

He holds his knuckles out for her to bump and she doesn't miss a beat, like the two have been friends much longer than today.

I look to Holt who hasn't moved from the couch. When his eyes meet mine, he smiles slightly which makes me really smile.

"Please win." I tell him.

"They need to be humbled." Ari adds before she leaves the living room.

I follow her out but not before I see Holt climb off the couch and sit beside Drew on the floor. Making my way to the kitchen, I grab one of the water bottles that's on the counter and lean against it as I take a drink.

Ari comes in shortly after, I give her a smile which she doesn't return. I haven't figured out if she's always this aloof or if it's just me. So instead I turn my attention back to the living room and Holt who I can just barely see past the kitchen and dining room.

I can't tell who's winning from here, some of the adults spread about the dining room table and blocking my view. But I have a straight line of sight to Holt and his messy dark hair that just keeps getting longer. He discarded the jacket of his suit he wore to the adoption, the light blue dress shirt rolled up to his elbows and the tie hanging loose around his neck.

"So you're friends?" Ari stands beside me in a similar position. "You and Holt?"

I nod my head. "Yeah."

"What's his deal then? Why is he like he is?" She asks.

Turning my head to look at her, her dark brown eyes picking up the red tint in hair, warming them slightly. She looks like her mom from what I've seen, only harder.

"I don't know." And I don't. I have theories but Holt has never told me anything other than confirming he was in juvy. Ari raises her eyebrow at me and I feel like I need to explain. "I've never asked him and he's never told."

She folds her arms across her body, letting out a sigh. "Yeah apparently my aunt Kendra hasn't said anything either. It's been driving my mom crazy."

I take a drink of my water, looking back at Holt as Drew shouts something.

"So is Drew single?" Ari asks.

I don't mean to but I laugh. "Yeah, he's single."

Without even trying Drew has charmed Ari apparently.

"He's always single." I tell her.

"Why?"

Looking back over at her, her dark eyes meet mine. "Because he's a player and he doesn't pretend to be anything but that." Her head nods. "Don't get me wrong he's super nice and honestly a really good friend but that's it unless you're just looking to hook up."

"Too bad." She murmurs as I turn to look back at the boys through the house. "You and Holt would be super cute together."

My heart jumps in my chest, my cheeks growing red at the thought. "Nah we're just friends."

"Mhmm." She hums and without another words she leaves me standing there with a racing heart as I watch Holt.

Even if Holt seemed like he wanted to date someone, I don't know if I want to risk another friendship. Maybe dating friends is just a bad idea all around. There's too much to lose.

                               ————————

"I'm leaving." My dad says, kissing my head later that night at my mom's. "Staying here?" I nod. "Alright, love you."

"Love you too dad."

I wait until I hear him collect his things, saying a strained goodbye to my grandparents before the front door clicks shut.

"Goodnight!" I call from where I'm sitting on the couch. "Love you."

A scratchy "bye" sounds from the kitchen, my grandma no doubt finishing the bottle of wine she had started earlier in the evening.

I pad my way across the floor, changing my direction half way to my room on a whim. It's been years since I crawled into my mom's bed in the middle of the night. I'd tap her shoulder, stirring her from her peaceful sleep. Without a word she'd sit up in bed and I'd climb in beside her, nestling down between her and Barry.

Now as I open the door, she's propped up, reading a book beside the bedside light.

"Hey baby." She says warmly.

I smile slightly, tucking my hair behind my ear before I walk to Barry's side of the bed. Hesitating for a moment, I tug the corner of the sheets down and climb in, laying flat on my back. My mom sets her book down and seconds later the room goes black.

I stare at the ceiling, pitch black and looming as my eyes slowly become accustomed to the dark. Seemingly out of nowhere, a lump settles in my throat. My thoughts cycling through my day, Holt, Ari, Drew, then onto Ty. To all my friends and even those I don't consider friends, like Ian. To Barry. Maybe to just life in general.

"I miss him." I tell the room quietly.

My mom finds my hand in the dark, our fingers lacing.

"Me too baby, me too."

Tears rush to my eyes and I let them fall, not bothering to hide my sniffles.

"Come here Hannah." She whispers, pulling me to her.

I miss Barry. And I miss the way my mom was before she was sick. Full of life and energy. I miss how Ty and I used to be. I miss who I was before everything.

"It's okay." She kisses my head. "We're okay."

                                  ———————

I'm managing to keep like a two chapter buffer which is cool because daily updates keep happening but annoying because I want to work on other stuff.