Angel | BTS ✓

Chapter 14

 
You stare up at the brown clock, (E/C) eyes boring into it. The room, which is your own, is a satisfying temperature; the type that you'll never want to leave behind. The sensation relaxes you, but you still can't help but feel your heart twist slightly, because yet again, time has passed.

It's been almost three years since you and your best friend joined BigHit Entertainment, and so much has happened since then. You remember the hardships and the occasional empty feelings that would come and go but always return. You remember the amusement park, and you remember when you first met everybody in Bangtan, and then Jimin only a year before it's time to debut. It's impossible to believe that almost three years had just gone by like that, and now it was almost time for your debut in a few months.

Tightening your pigtails, you change around your sitting position on the bed with a small smile. You can't help but reminisce on the times when you got to celebrate your and the other members birthdays. Shaking your head, you clench your shirt a bit. 'What am I thinking? Those times aren't going to end. Not yet.'

Despite these warm feelings, dark ones have crept into your soul as well. The voice has never disappeared, and at this point, you feel as if it never will. You know that you shouldn't really care at this point because it was so long ago, but Hunchul's words have really left a mark on you. They always seem to creep into your mind no matter how happy you feel.

"Why are you in this group if you're talentless?Why are you in this group if nobody is going to like you when we debut anyway all because you're a girl? Why are you even here when everyone else in the group is so much better than you?! All you are is agitating, so why are you even here?"

It's the same words, but a different voice. Not just any voice, but the voice. The voice has stuck with you since you began auditioning for companies, never leaving you alone. It tells you awful things and mocks you, telling you to starve yourself, overwork yourself, hurt yourself, kill yourself...

You don't know how to get rid of it, but you definitely aren't weak enough to let it do everything. It controls you in some parts, but you still keep going; you don't give up only because of your father and your members that you care so much for. You feel a connection with them, and you'll only strive for your dream longer to help them and to accomplish what your father would've wanted for you.

"(Y/N)?" The sound of a door clicking makes you perk your head up. Jimin stands at the door, looking concerned. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

You didn't even notice that a tear had escaped your eye. Sniffling, you wipe it away and smile to him. "Nothing, Jiminie. What's up?"

Pursing his lips, Jimin takes a baby step to you before he speaks. "Well, I-I was just going to remind you that final auditions are next week, but that doesn't matter right now," He shuts the door and sits next to you, locking eyes. "Please. Talk to me."

"N-No! Really, I'm fine, Jiminie. Don't wor-"

"I know your not okay, so stop saying it! Obviously, your thinking of something or someone from the past. Trust me, I have family and friends who have suffered through it before. I know what it looks like." His sudden shouting startles you a bit. Even though he's normally a calm and happy person, now he just seems serious and filled to the brim with worry. Contemplating whether or not you should tell him the truth, you eventually sigh.

"My dad," you suck in a breath, hesitating, knowing that you had only told Namjoon, Hoseok, and Yoongi about your past and your mother and father. Taking a deep breath, you feel as if it's just better to go ahead and let it out. You speak calmly to him, trying to fake that you're strong and that this doesn't affect you anymore.