Angel | BTS ✓

Chapter 38

How you feel about the kiss is unexplainable, to say the least.

You've known Namjoon for years, and all through that, your little innocent mind never really had any idea of something romantic going on or ever to go on between the two of you, so it's a little confusing, but in a way exciting that he decided to share something like that with you.

Your heart flutters.

When you get thinking to it more, you wonder if it would just be better to avoid what happened: to avoid anything you feel for Namjoon and that he should do the same. The last thing you want to do on Earth is hurt any of your brothers, whether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally, so maybe for now it's better to just focus on your careers and getting to the top.

After all, that's what you are here to do, right? Protect your brothers and help them to get successful, thus making them happy in life. Not confusing them with silly romantic feelings and playing around with how their emotions.

Yeah, you need to avoid this.

You were touched when Namjoon kissed you, remembering when you smiled at him for that split second before you closed your bedroom door to sleep when you got caught by Yoongi that night. But now, a few weeks later of being awkward around each other, you almost feel bad, as if you gave him a false signal and made him think that you enjoyed it... which you did, but that's besides the point.

This is your career and his career on the line, and the two of you and the rest of Bangtan have only gotten started. You need to work your ass off for a first, real win, not a Rookie Award like you got last year. Yes, you were ecstatic to get it. Yes, you almost cried, but a real reward is your goal for now.

Besides all of that and planning to avoid the whole situation with Namjoon and just going back to pretending that nothing ever actually happened between you two, you're focused on preparing for 'The Red Bullet Tour' in less than a month, alongside writing and producing music for the comeback probably in early 2015 with 'The Most Beautiful Moment in Life pt.1,' the name of the album already decided months prior to the due date.

At the moment, actually, you're clicking around on your computer, the program active and running as you rearrange and work on a song for the album. The room is cold and dimly-lit, the only light in the room being an old lamp that you've had for practically three years.

You've been working on this song for a few days, perfecting it and making sure it has no flaws when it comes out for A.R.M.Y. You aren't sure what it'll be called, but you already have written a rough draft of the lyrics, something you tend to do before you begin producing anything.

The lyrics are beautiful and well thought out, consisting of lines that speak of wanting to be held and kept close, almost like a child. But it's masked to sound more like it's about a romantic relationship than a domestic one, to be more fitting to the concept the company has planned, which is a big difference to the hip-hop and tough one that you have now. You wrote the song with your mother and father in mind, something probably realized by Hoseok and Yoongi whilst they were helping you write the nights you asked for their input on some of the verses.

You'll admit, you cried a few times.

Your eyes drift over to the tear stains on the sheet of paper in the roughened-up notebook beside you on the desk, your eyes drifting along the page, the marks of the graphite each expressing more sentimental emotions than the last. It's almost as if the rougher marks and the softer marks combine together to show that you feel more than just sadness and anger at the loss of your father and brother and later the disappearance of your mother.