The Fear Of Faith [2]

29. Bethan

'So, did he seem like he'd moved on?' I asked Penny as we sat on our beds in the dorm when she'd returned from the career fair.

'Well, he seemed sad to me,' Penny told me as she threw popcorn into her mouth. 'But he just kind of wanted you to be okay. He said you're better off without him and said he'd leave a key for you to get your stuff whenever you want it.'

'Oh my god,' I whispered, my eyes stinging with tears upon hearing what he'd said.

'I'm sorry,' Penny said with a sad face.

'It's okay,' I said, wiping my eyes and sniffing away my sobs. 'It's just hard to hear him say I can go get my stuff. Like, it's been a day since I officially ended it and he's already over it.'

'It didn't seem that way,' Penny said. 'I think he's really missing you. He just believes that you're better off without him and you need to go tell him that you're not.'

'I can't do that,' I sighed. 'He went too far coming into my class like that. It was so embarrassing when my professor kept me behind at the end and warned me that if he came in like that again, I would receive a warning.'

'God, it's not your fault,' Penny scoffed.

'I know,' I said with a nod. 'That's why I can't go running back to him. He needs to know he was wrong. Now that it seems like he's already just accepted that we're over, maybe that's how it should stay.'

'You love each other,' Penny said with a pout. 'It can't be over.'

'I really think it is, Penny,' I said, holding back further tears. 'I think it's time for me to start paying for this dorm. Looks like I'll be here permanently.'

'Well, I'm good with that,' she said with a smile. 'I just want you to be okay.'

'I will be,' I breathed. 'Eventually.'

I joined Penny on her bed as we started Project X, our movie for the night, and snuggled close together with our bowl of popcorn. It was hard to concentrate when Penny had just told me about her encounter with Cal. The things he had said to her made it clear that he was trying to move on and I should have known it would go that way. Cal had no issues with being alone and I wasn't surprised he was so easily able to snap right back to his old habits in an instant.

I had tried to call Cal the day before to let him know about Brodie not pressing charges. I'd left him a message but had received no reply and didn't expect to either.

I was glad Brodie had decided not to take it further. Cal had been in the wrong but I didn't want him getting in trouble and Brodie approached me after class and let me know he wouldn't report it. He'd just wanted to make sure I was okay and I was glad he was being so understanding.

After another night of insomnia, I continued on with my classes that week, constantly pulling my phone from my pocket to check for a text from Cal and feeling irritated at myself every time I did it. I knew it was over but I couldn't stop wanting to talk to him. He had to be the one to come to me, I didn't have the courage to contact him again after he had already avoided my call and not responded to the message I'd left him. I was relieved when Friday finally came around and when I returned to the dorm, I flopped down on my bed and let out a sigh of relief.

'Rough week,' Penny chuckled from her bed where she was painting her toenails.

'It's just hard to focus with so much going through my head,' I told her. 'On the plus side, I sorted out the dorm situation.'

'Oh, you did?' Penny said, turning to me with a smile.

'Yeah, I officially live here,' I sighed, feeling happy to finally have a little security with my dorm room but sad that it meant moving out of my apartment was also official. I missed the place so much. It was my first home that I'd lived in without my parents and now Cal was living there all alone without me and I still wanted to just jump in a cab and go there to curl up in my old bed and never leave it again.