The Fear Of Faith [2]

39. Bethan

I was lounging on my bed, flat on my stomach as I chatted on the phone to Penny. She had left the day before and Georgie had left this morning, leaving me pretty much alone. I knew I had to call home and make arrangements to spend Christmas in The Falls with my family but I figured I'd spend the rest of the weekend waiting it out and leave on Monday.

I had decided to give Cal his gift. I'd made a trip down to his shop late on Friday night after Penny had left when I knew it would be closed and they'd all be gone. I'd taken a cab and posted it through the mailbox, spotting Cal walking down the street as I did so. At that moment, I'd debated waiting so I could talk to him but I didn't want to explain why I was there and have him open the shop to retrieve the gift right in front of me, so I'd jumped in my cab and sped off before he got too close.

Now it was Saturday and I wasn't sure if he'd be working but I knew somebody would be in there today and they'd tell him it was there. I wanted to give it the rest of the weekend to see if he would call me and if he didn't, I'd go home for Christmas. I wanted him to have time to see his gift and decide what to do. He would surely know that the sentiment of it meant that I still loved him but at this point I wasn't sure how his feelings were for me now, so I figured he'd call if he wanted to and if he didn't, that was fine too, as much as I knew it would kill me.

'So what are you going to do all weekend?' Penny asked.

'Well, I'm hoping that he does call me,' I replied. 'Or even better, comes and sees me in person.'

'If you want him to do so that badly then why don't you just go and see him?' she asked. 'Are you afraid he'll reject you.'

'A lot has happened, Penny,' I sighed. 'I'm the one who left, I'm the one who carried on with this breakup after him trying to get me back several times.'

'You didn't want to go back,' Penny said. 'What's changed?'

'Since I kissed Felix,' I said. 'I've missed Cal so much more since that happened. I've realised that there'll never be another guy I can be with now; it will never feel right.'

It was true. Since the kiss, my guilt had been weighing down on me and all I'd wanted was for everything that had happened to just rewind so I could still be with Cal and not have went though this break up. He had still been loyal to me, still tried to get back to me and I had been cold and distant because I'd thought my life would be better without him. Kissing Felix just showed me that Cal was the only man I wanted to be with and as the days had went on and on, they'd gotten lonelier and now that I was literally alone here in my dorm, I missed him so much my heart felt like it was aching.

'I can't just turn up at his apartment,' I told her. 'I'm the one who left so I need him to come back to me so I know he wants it too. If he doesn't come then I'll accept that he never will.'

'Well, the quote you engraved on his gift is pretty explanatory,' she said. 'So if he's seen it by now, he'll know how you feel.'

'Then the ball is in his court,' I sighed, as my phone beeped and I glanced down to see my mom trying to call. 'Talk to you later, my mom is calling.'

'Okay bye!' she called.

I hung up and accepted the call to my mom.

'Hey mom,' I answered. 'I've been meaning to call to make plans for Christmas, I'm sorry I-.'

'Stop talking, Bethan,' she interjected.

I frowned to myself and sat up slowly on the bed. 'Mom, what's wrong? Why do you sound so upset?'

'Because I'm standing in the entrance of your dorm building calling to get your room number from you so I can come and find out why the hell you didn't tell me,' she said, her voice shaky and angry.