The Fear Of Faith [2]

33. Bethan

'Are you sure you'll be okay?' Penny asked as she pulled on her coat.

'Penny, for the thousandth time, yes,' I answered with a chuckle as I rolled from my stomach to my back on my bed, looking at her convincingly.

'I just don't understand why you're not going home to see your family for thanksgiving,' she said with a shrug.

'I'll be going home for Christmas,' I replied. 'I can't deal with them asking why Cal didn't turn up for thanksgiving dinner so I told them we have our own plans.'

'They don't know?' she asked with a gasp.

'I can't bring myself to tell them,' I admitted.

'In case they say I told you so?' she asked.

'Well, no,' I replied, realising that may be another good reason for keeping it from them. 'They love Cal and I just think they'll be really disappointed and I don't want to ruin thanksgiving with my fucked up relationship.'

'I get that,' she sighed. 'I just feel bad that you'll be alone here. The offer still stands to come to my house with me and my family.'

'Thanks but you go enjoy yourself,' I replied with a thankful smile. 'I'll be just fine.'

'Okay then,' she sighed. 'I'll miss you.'

'Do you want me to see you off at the station?' I asked her.

'No need,' she replied with a smile. 'I have to stop by campus first to see my professor; he gave me an extension on an assignment so I have to submit it today.'

'Well, okay then,' I said, standing with a smile. 'Enjoy your thanksgiving.'

'Oh, you too,' she said with a sad pout as we hugged. 'I'll be back before you know it.'

'It's just a couple of days,' I giggled. 'I'll be fine. Go on, go.'

'I'll FaceTime you later,' she said as she headed for the door. 'Bye!'

'Bye, Penny,' I replied with a chuckle at her pout and as the door closed behind her, I let the smile drop and I sighed. Now it was time to spend thanksgiving alone.

My mom had tried to insist Cal and I come home but I had lied and said he was just too busy at the shop and that I was behind on work. I couldn't face them right now.

After Penny had left, I spent the rest of the day in bed doing some studying. I was still feeling extremely upset about the last conversation I'd had with Cal and frankly, I was still a little in shock. It was as if the Cal I had met that very first time in The Falls had returned; a cruel and uncaring man. He had said the nastiest things to me right after we had stupidly slept together because I had to go and follow him right out of the club. I'd had way too much to drink and convinced myself it was a good idea to go after him after he'd kissed me then took off. Turning up at the shop after telling my cab to follow his and practically throwing myself at him then having him finish off and turn into a complete asshole was quite the eye opener. Now I knew what he really thought of me.

Cal's cruel words had truly hurt my feelings and if I wasn't already feeling heartbroken enough, that had done just the trick to shatter my heart into millions of pieces but I refused to let myself cry over him again. All we had done was go back and forth, not being together and then kissing, back to not talking then sleeping together, back to fighting and then what would it be next? I had to stay away from him, especially now that he had completely overstepped the line when he spoke to me the way he did. He showed me just how little respect he clearly had for me and that was a huge deal in my book. It didn't change the way I felt, I still loved him with all of my broken heart and I hated that. I wanted to take a magic pill to eradicate my feelings and stop them from bringing me down everyday.