The Fear Of Faith [2]

37. Bethan

'So what else did he say?' I asked Penny.

'I already told you everything,' she said.

'You definitely don't think he's suspicious about the kiss?' I asked her.

'Why would he be suspicious?' she asked with a sigh. 'I never mentioned anything about it.'

'But you said he asked if you needed to tell him anything,' I told her.

'Yeah because I was acting weird,' she sighed. 'Only because I felt awkward as hell. I should never have gotten in the car with him.'

'Why were you on campus so late anyway?' I asked, taking a sip of my hot chocolate as I laid back in my bed, feeling a little more settled now that I knew Cal hadn't found out about Felix and I.

'Studying,' she said with a shrug. 'So, what are you doing for Christmas?'

'Probably going home,' I sighed. 'I bailed on thanksgiving so I'll have to. That will be when I tell my parents everything.'

'They don't even know you're not living together anymore, it's really sad,' she said, shoving candy into her mouth as The Notebook played in the background of our conversation.

'They will be sad,' I said, thinking about how their reactions would be. 'Riley will be so disappointed; he loves Cal.'

'Things change,' she sighed. 'They just have to accept it like you are.'

I bit my lip as I thought about how telling my parents Cal and I were no longer together seemed like the official confirmation of us being done. Once you told your mom shit like that, there was no going back.

'I can't believe it's Christmas next week,' she said, changing the subject. 'I'm leaving on Friday. Just so you know. Georgie is leaving Saturday.'

'I guess I'll call my mom this week and make arrangements,' I said.

'What do you think Cal will do?' she asked.

'Probably stay here,' I said. 'The business probably can't afford for him to take time off.'

'Well, at least we have something to look forward to before we leave,' Penny said.

'The Christmas party,' I said, suddenly remembering I needed a dress.

Our student council were hosting a huge Christmas party for students before we all departed for winter break and I didn't really want to go but I also didn't want to be stuck alone in the dorm room while all of my friends were there having fun.

'I think winter break will be good for you,' Penny said, once again changing the subject upon noticing me deep in thought again. 'A break from New York where you know you can't see Cal or Tori or anyone else. Spend time with family, realise you're going to be okay and come back for a fresh start.'

'What is it with everyone and fresh starts?' I scoffed.

'You know, Bethan,' Penny sighed. 'Nobody would be mad at you or disappointed in you or think you were an idiot if you decided to get back together with Cal.'

'What?' I said, turning to her quickly. 'What makes you say that?'

'Because I think you've allowed your mind to just get into this place where you feel like you can't go back to him now that you've made all of these huge decisions; leaving him, moving in here, meeting other guys, telling all of your friends it's done,' she said. 'If you want to get back with him, I'll be just as supportive of that as I have been with all of this.'

'I...I don't know,' I said, softly.

'You do what you want to do,' she said. 'It's your life.'

'Right,' I murmured, lost in thought.