The Fear Of Faith [2]

32. Cal

I did it again. I fucking did it again. She was saying so many things to purposefully get to me and my anger was ready to hit the fucking roof. Whenever I lost my temper like that, had it been a man standing in front of me he would have been unconscious within seconds. Maybe even with a woman, I may have grabbed her and threatened her viscously; but with Bethan it was a whole other story. When she drove me to the point of anger where I felt like I was going insane, it made me want her more and I projected my anger by grabbing her and kissing her and anything else I could do to her to help me vent. Once again, I had done just that.

I hadn't waited for her to kiss me back. I had kept my mouth firmly planted on hers and before she could pull away I'd spun her around and pinned her front to the wall, sliding my hands around to her breasts and squeezing them tightly as I kissed her neck. I could hear in the way that she was panting that she wanted it and she certainly did not push me away. Instead, I pulled away. I'd realised that if I continued and she decided at some point that she didn't want it again and rejected me, it would be one hit too many for me. I stepped away and before she could turn to question it, I fled from the bathroom.

Now, I was sat on the small leather sofa in the back of my tattoo shop, the only light coming from a lamp and it was silent outside as all businesses were closed. I'd jumped a cab to head home so I couldn't be near her anymore. Instead of letting him take me home, I made him bring me to the shop, knowing if anyone decided to look for me, meaning Tori, they'd go to my apartment and I didn't want to see anyone.

I wished I'd never let Tori convince me to join her. I hated clubs and I hated partying and I'd only went there because I felt like I owed her for all of her kindness lately. Had I known Bethan was going to be there, I would have certainly stayed home but how was I supposed to know she would turn up at a club in Brooklyn that she wasn't even old enough to be in? I still wondered how the hell she got in the place.

I was sitting alone, left with my thoughts, wondering if she had decided to go back to that guy who she gave her number to. When I'd grabbed my drink at the bar and turned to see her talking to him, I'd tried to walk back to my table but settled for watching them instead. I knew it was a risk of torturing myself but I had faith that she wouldn't move onto someone so soon and when I watched her type her number into his phone, all I felt was disappointment.

The guy was huge and covered in ink from what I could see from behind and in the darkness of the club; clearly she had begun to develop a type. I believed her when she told me she just did it to get rid of him. I had sensed her hesitation before she took his phone and I could see it from her body language that she was uncomfortable but it still got me mad that she hadn't told him to fuck off.

The worst part about the whole thing was that I had gotten her all worked up and turned her on by kissing and touching her and then left her there, free to go find her mysterious guy, all fired up and in the mood for some fun after being teased and abandoned by me. The very thought made me feel sick and I just wanted to go right back there and drag her out, bringing her home where I could be the only one to fuck her. I could have had her right there in the bathroom but the risk was too high. She'd made it clear she didn't want to be with me anymore and keeping her hostage in the bathroom and trying to practically force myself onto her wasn't going to help anything.

The tightness in my pants hadn't settled. I was still worked up from touching her and I was desperate to have her, the inability to do so truly killing me. In a way, I wanted to tease her. I wanted her to be calling me up right now begging me to let her come back to the apartment so she could let me have my way with her. I had my phone ready on the arm of the sofa just in case she did, but no such call came.

I lounged there, lost in thought and frustrated from earlier, feeling like I was ready to lose my mind over all of this shit that was going on with her. Why couldn't things still be simple like at the start? Why did we have to go down this road?