The Man I Became... Because of You (Completed)

A Stalwart Love

I wanted to say something because I forgot the last time and posted without a note. The Authors and their books/series I posted in the last chapter are all real Authors and those book/series are their own. If you've never heard of them and would like to check them out, feel free to do so, I give my full endorsement. Or just need some recommendations, message me any time. I'm not sure if Sandrine's estate is settled yet and her books are back out in digital form but I just want to say that she is one of my favorite MM writers of all time. She has given me advice in the past and was just all around a great person. 

"Mae, are you ok?"

She looked over at her son on the bed with a blank face that made him feel so very uncomfortable. Other than crying a little when he woke up, she hadn't said or done much and that was never a good thing. She needed to get whatever this was off her chest.

"What do you mean?"

"Well... Your awfully quiet and I'm worried about you." Ae said slowly because there was a sort of look on her face. A look like she was an egg shell and the wrong word could crack her. She had looked like that... well Ae couldn't really remember the last time. 

"Quiet? How do you think I should be?"

"That's not for me to determine." Ae said delicately. He could see the door opening behind her back and sensed it was Pete but he didn't stop the conversation. "I can only tell you that I feel like you might just explode. I don't mean like get angry but like emotionally explode in some way. I don't know if you_"

"I understand you Ae." She suddenly stood and held onto the bed rail. "I am angry actually. I'm super pissed."

Now her voice was shaking so hard that Ae thought the bed would as well but it remained surprisingly steady. "I'm so pissed off because you boys are just quietly being happy and some lunatic isn't so they have to make you suffer for their unhappiness. But somehow, I feel like at the same time I don't know who to be angry with and I don't want to accidentally let loose that anger on either of you because it's unfair. It's so unfair." She covered her face and was surprised to feel it was wet. Once that feeling registered it was like the dam cracked and a sob escaped.

Ae blinked and reached out but she moved away. 

"I can't be like this. Not right now. I feel like if I do this, I will just destroy everything."

Then suddenly his name came out in a wail, "Aeeeeeeeee! I feel like they need me. They are such fragile people. Do you know how he sounded when he called me to tell me? Like his world was destroyed. He sounded like he was panicking and trying not to let me know! He sounded like he needed me to be calm or else he wouldn't be able to function."

"I see." Ae said softly and glanced at the door quickly.

"But now I don't know what to do! I don't know how to cry and scream or who to beat. I don't know anymore!"

"Mae. Do you know what I got from you? My steady disposition and my blunt nature. Do you know what Pete got from his mom? A fragile exterior with a backbone of steel. He may have sounded like his world was imploding but he would have held it together. Don't think that you have to shoulder this all on your own. Don't think that he wouldn't be able to hold up with you. Do you remember, every time he came to the house, he would do every chore you gave him and he would sweat and turn red and insist he was fine even though he wasn't used to it at all."

She nodded with a glimmer of a smile. "And you would chastise him and he would tell you he was fine." She said through what seemed like a never ending flow of tears. Those were some of the best memories she had of the two of them under her roof.