Before You Go [N.H]

2.4 - Christmas - Traditions

Lucy's POV

And so we walk side by side, occasionally bumping into each other because apparently I can't walk straight. But after the fourth or fifth time, I'm not sure, I lost count, he grabs my hand and holds it, interlacing our fingers together.

'Hold on.' I say simply,  stopping in my tracks while pulling my hand away from his.

He looks at me confused and slightly hurt. But then he immediately relaxes when he sees me taking out the glove off of the hand he wants to hold. I look back up at him and smile, holding out my hand for his. He silently and happily takes it back. Now it feels right. Skin to skin. I could barely feel a thing with those gloves on. But I don't need it now. Niall's hand is warm.

'How long?' He asks after a moment of silence.

'How long what?'

'Have you been like this? Depressed I mean.'

'A few years at least.'

'Does it have to do anything with what you told me yesterday at the bar? The not really knowing who you are?'

'Among other things.'

'Because it's okay. You don't have to have it all figured out. It's not because other people have, that means you do too. Each one their own pace. It's okay to take your time. It's okay to make mistakes.'

'Niall stop.'

'What?? I'm just saying-'

'I know what your saying. Trust me, anything you have to say, I heard it before. And honestly? I'm sick of all the words and the speeches. They're not gonna change anything. They're just words to me. They don't mean anything. I appreciate you wanting to help me. But I'm beyond getting any help.'

There's a look on his face that I don't quite understand. A mix of sadness and anger. A burden on his shoulder. I noticed it since the first time I saw him. But I don't know if I should ask. Maybe he'll tell me when he's ready. He doesn't say anything. He just keeps looking straight ahead.

'What do you usually do on Christmas? Do you stay here in London? Do you travel? Do you have family in Ireland that you go see?' I ask, trying to change the subject.

He clears his throat, 'Um, yeah, I do have family there. I try my best to spend Christmas there, but work gets in the way sometimes.'

'And what do you do there? Do you have any traditions?'

'With the fam, it's the usual. Just spend as much time as possible together. Have Christmas dinner together. Then I'd usually go out with my mates from high school. The ones I'm still in touch with anyway. And there's this thing we do, called, 12 pubs of Christmas? In my hometown, which is quite small, there are like 26 pubs in one mile?' He laughs and I laugh along with him. 'Well there's like 14 thousand people, so it's well spread! You know you get enough room in the pub to move around. There are rules to follow, I won't bore you with the details. But let's just say, the more time passes and the drunker people get, the more difficult it is to follow the rules. The ending result is just so funny. But the hangover the next day isn't! I'm starting to wonder if I'm getting too old for that!' He chuckles.

'Please! You're 26! You're young!'

'Maybe but I feel sometimes like a 26-year-old trapped into the body with a 70-year-old!'