Eternally His (Dazai Osamu x Reader)

Sweet Misery

Your P.O.V.
The pain, the suffering, the misery of his absence...4 years, he's been gone. What was I supposed to do? Did I not love him enough? Did I not show him enough affection? Did I mess up somewhere? Did he never love me? Was he lying?

Was I not enough?

Did I not please him? Did I not meet his standards? Did I mean nothing? Why? Why did he leave without a single word? Am I not worth bringing something like this up to?

Am I worthless?

These things I used to think a lot about, he really meant a lot to me at one point, now he's a perfect stranger, the enemy even.

"Y/n." Chuuya knocked on my head with his index finger.

"Huh?" I said looking up at him, "what's up?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie."

"Chuuya...do you think I'm worth something?"

"Of course. Everyone's worth something in their own way, you just need to find yours."

My eyes widened...Find my own worth...

I finally came to my senses.

Akutagawa flicked my forehead, "stay focused, stop thinking about him."

"I-"

"Shh." Aku slapped his hand over my mouth.

Currently, we were on a mission, the 3 of us were executives in the mafia (i said i changed up some things, idk i didn't find it fair for chu and the reader to be the only executives, so my emo baby shall be one as well)

After that man left the mafia, I was later promoted to the title, Aku and Chu both having it before me. Akutagawa was promoted roughly 6 months after Dazai's disappearance, Chu was already an executive.

Also after his disappearance, I was arrested and trialed in court, I was sentenced to life in prison but had an acceptation of parole due to Mori's blackmail and bribery. After 4 long years of being in a jail cell, tied up and brutally beaten, I was finally free.

It took me a little bit to grow back into the habit of the whole idea of a human society and the customs that followed.

"Y/n, focus. This is your first mission back, Mori will be upset if you fail." Chuuya whispered

"Right."

We crept into the mansion, "now we're just supposed to steal back the product they took, don't leave any evidence we were here."

The product? Was drugs yes.

"And absolutely do not engage in a fight, maybe knock them out but that's it." Chuuya instructed

"Right right." I said, I laid out a map of the huge house in my head. I began to walk away from them first, I soon found myself in a basement...

Sure enough, there it was. I touched the button on my ear piece to turn it on, "found it." I spoke in a quiet tone.

"Basement?" I recognized the voice, Aku.

"Yea."

They headed down quickly and quietly.

"Should we just say fuck it and bash a hole in the wall?" I suggested

"Nah, that'll be bad on us."

"Right." I facepalmed

Come on Y/n! Get your head in the game! Fuck prison, just think about your job, nothing else! Mori will kill you if you fail this!

I took a deep breath, the box wasn't that big, to be precise it was a tiny box significantly smaller than a vent.

"The vent." I repeated

"Now you're using your head!" Chuuya said, then looked confused, "wait how will we-"

I reached into my coat and grabbed a multitool, opening the vent quietly, I placed it down and signal for them to get inside.

Chuuya army crawled his way inside, to be completely honest if anyone were to have trouble moving through this, it was going to be Akutagawa, he was the tallest among us. He said nothing but followed after Chuuya.

I started to screw the bolts into the vent once again.

"Oi! What are you doing?"

"I'll find another way out, it'll look sus if we don't put the vent back up."

"Ugh, fine. Just be outside in 15 minutes."

"Take your left then go straight for 2 passage ways then go right, you'll be near the door, I'll knock out the guards near it."

"Sounds solid, don't blow it."

"Chuuya Nakahara, do you know who you're talking to?"

Akutagawa nudged Chuuya and moved in front of him, Chuuya pushed the box trying to make little to no noise.

I ran up the basement stairs then snuck my way to the exit, I noticed there was no guards near the door.

A meeting maybe?

I quickly undid the vent, Chuuya and Akutagawa jumped down, Chuuya holding the box. I put the vent back up and turned to them,

"Let's go."

We made a break for it, Chuuya jumped in the air, tightly grasping the box. Akutagawa grabbed my hand and used Rashomon.

We returned to head quarters. Mori greeted us as we stepped into his office, "good work you 3." He ruffled my hair

I crackled a tiny smile, feeling joy in my fathers praise.

"Now you 2 are excused, I want to talk to her alone."

"There's nothing you can't say in front of them. Besides after this I'll probably tell them anyway."

"Fine, have a seat."

We all sat down, "now that you're out of prison, have you been talking your meds?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I have no access to them."

"I see," he reached into his pocket and something rattled. He brought out a tiny bottle of pills.

"Here." He tossed them across the table. I caught them, then scanned them over.

"I'll get your injections and other pills to you a different time. That's all for now, you may leave."

We all stood up, "pills huh?" Aku looked down at his hand

"For my mental health."

"Really? What are the injections for?" Chuuya asked

"A drug to keep me sedated."

The short ginger sighed, "what a fucked up world we live in."

"Indeed." Aku agreed.

I nodded my head in agreement however voiced no words.
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Author's note: hey! i hope you like this chapter or whatever you want to call it, thank you for reading this far with my trash ass writing🙏🏻