Eternally His (Dazai Osamu x Reader)

The Wounds of the Past

Your P.O.V.
The mission was over, I allowed Dazai to patch me up, after I was walking home in the dark, alone. Usually Chuuya or Akutagawa would drive me home or walk with me but they both had some work to attend to.

I wasn't scared of the dark, however I am mentally ill, I'm not all there. Therefore being in the dark alone makes me feel different than a normal person should.

I've been like this for as long as I could remember, sometimes it's a traumatic event that happened to you to lose your sanity or in few cases it's just a switch, others can just be lacking something "normal people" do, such as communication or stupid shit like that.

I'm not normal, no matter how hard I try to be, it's impossible. A 17 year old girl, a mafia executive, someone who has killed thousands of people in just a few years, it's not normal. I even stand out in the mafia, there's no one like me. My past isn't something worth talking about either.

I was severely abused by my mom, that dulled my senses of right and wrong. If I were told murder is the right thing by someone I was willing to die for (ex: Mori) I would believe them wholeheartedly. I loved my mother, despite what she did to me then that love twisted into a horrid form of hatred, I loved my father, I loved my siblings, on the outside we appeared as a happy normal family. After the death of my parents, I was kidnapped and a lot of shit happened to me after, when I was 8, Mori found and saved me.

I started rocky in the mafia, due to my loss of sanity I would attack nearly anyone who came close to me. When Mori told me who he was and how he knew my father, I quickly came to follow him, he was the last piece of my father I had left, everything in the house I once lived in, everything I once owned, was burned.

I wasn't sure how to act either, Mori then put me on some medication, I take a variety of meds at this point, 5 different pills and then a needle.

The first pill is what we like to call the "calmness pill" it is a pill that I can take more of than it's prescribed and have no effects.

The second and the third pill are mainly pills that keep my heavily sedated throughout the day, so even if I do lose my head over something, I'll be easier to stop, however I am a brute. It's still really hard to control me even in that state.

The fourth and fifth pill is for schizophrenia, they are professional medication, they are anti-tremor and antipsychotic.

The needle is what we call a mental stabilizer and as it sounds like it's a stabilizer.

All this has never really been new, I have to take these everyday and if I don't I can lose my shit. Mori always has a bottle of the calmness pills on him at all times just in case I do happen to start losing myself.

At a young age, I was forced to grow up extremely fast, I had to make huge life changing decisions, the Mafia was just one of them. Mori knew the situation, he understood. He told me he would like me to join however applied to pressure on me to do so.

He reminded me of my father, my dad. How I used to cry in my room when no one was around after a beating from my mother, he was there. Every step on the way, he flick my forehead and say a simple phrase that always meant so much to me:

"You're amazing."

That inflated my ego, I became narcissistic, however that is sort of false bravado. Even people as deranged as me get scared. Some say I'm crazy, I shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets, people like me are the type of people you shouldn't allow hold a gun or have access to them. Others say, I'm a survivor despite my bloodstained past it's a miracle I haven't been a threat to myself or anyone around me unless they were targeted.

I am a survivor of many things. Everyone has a story but not a lot of people have even heard all of mine.
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i am so sorry this took so long to be published i have been spending a lot of time with my family whom i dislike but whatever, family's family right? this is actually still pretty short but i decided to give you guys a look into the past of this character, i decided that y/n would come from a mentally broken home so she seems unpredictable. the next chapter or two will probably go more in depth about what happened and how she met the people of the mafia.