the boys next door

part 19

i hated myself for having cancer.i hated that i had brought this on luke and the boys. thats why i did it thats why i cut that night. i only did two cuts not that deep and they had scabbed over by the end of the night. i did not want to tell luke but thats the night i released i had let cancer get the better of me. i secretly wanted to die because every moring i would wake up felling more and more like i was dying from the inside, but still i told no one.

italy was so much fun. i forced my self to all of the shows witch i really enjoyed and we took selfies with the evening tower of piza. i had never seen luke so happy so i did not want to tell him how i felt. we had finished in italy and were now on a plane to england.

“ you okay you look a bit pale” luke said and looked at me consurned

“yer im fine i just probably cold or something”

“you have not been your self you have been sleeping all the time and not coming to shows are you sure your okay”

“yep i feel as good as you can when you have cancer” he chuckled and turned to me

“you have to promise that you will tell me if you not feeling right okay "

"okay"i said and pecked his lips. that flight i through up but i think it was the burger i ate. i was getting weaker but did not want to show it. i would wear more blusher so you could not see the colour going from my cheaks.it got to th epoint when i had to tell somebody, beau.

"i need to talk to you alone"i said to beau and he nodded and went out in to the corridor of the hotel room. we walked down to where a window was at the end of the corridor and i sat down on the floor infront of beau.

" im an idiot beau im so stupid"i said to him and though my hands on my face.

"hey no your not "he said and held me in his arms.

" you have to promise not to tell luke" i said and he nodded

"i pinky promise"he said and held out his pinky with i took.

"okay i think im dying and i dont want to go not yet not now i just dont know what to do i"

"no no shut up no dont say that your not you cant"he said and put his head on mine" i nodded and i tear rolled down my cheak

" you have to tell luke you have to it" he said and move his head away from mine

"it will kill him to know that im worse"

"it will kill him to know that you have been keeping a secret like this fromn him for so long" beau shouted back at me and now he had tears in his eyes.

"okay but when do i tell him"

"as soom as possable "i nodded and put my head on beaus chest. he pulled me in closer and we stayed like that until i had almost drifted off. i felt him lift me up and opena door. i felt the cool sheets on me as i relaxed my body and let my mind drift off to sleep.

im to moring i was shaking and took my pills. i was shaking about the though of telling luke that i was dying and there was no way around it this time. i went to step out of bed and my body colapsed on the floor. i felt my mucels go numb and it felt like my lungs were braking down. i felt arms around me and i hurd shouts and i got lifted on to a bed.this is it i though, this is the end. i had had a great life, well not the first part but the parts with luke were the best. by the lake the party he planed for me being with the boys , it was the best lifei could have asked for.

just as i though it was the end i felt a sudden breath of air shoot in to my lungs and i felt my eyes shoot open to see a crying luke and a panicing beau. i started breathing normally and i put my hands to my face and felt a tube going from my noes to a tank of oxygen on the floor. i was still in the hotel on my bed feeling cold like ice and weak.

"rachie i thought i lost you" luke said as he peck my lips.

"i feel cold"i said and luke looked consurned at beau

" you need to go to a hospital now"luke said and i tryed to sit up but i was to weak.

"no "i managed to say over the lake of oxygen

"rachie there is no way i am not talking you"luke said as he pushed a jumper over my head and i put my arms though it.

luke called a taxi and we got straight in to a doctor who cheaked me over and i had injection and tests and scans and by then i was egsorsted. my cancer had spred and my lungs could not work on there own. i was put in to a hospital bed with a drip and oxygen masks and i was petrofided.luke sat by my bed saying nothing just crying and saying everything was going to be okay when he new it was not.

they sent me back to austrailia with was happy about but my perants were angry with me and luke. luke refused to go back on the tour and said he would leave the janoskians if he did not come back with me. he would come viset me ever day in the hospital and bring me flowers, but flowers and lukes love could never save me, i needed a miracul.