DEEP INSIDE || J.JK × Reader ✔

chapter 21 | Hurtful words

20 minutes later...

I open the door to Jaemin, fearing he could be letting his emotions overwhelm him a bit too much. I let him in without a word and close the door behind him, silently. He takes his shoes and jacket off, so I get hold of his cloth to hang it on the coat rack.

Hearing him sobbing as quietly as possible, I turn towards him with a heavy heart. "Can I hug you...?" he bites his lips to prevent his sorrow from showing too obviously on his face, the tears in his red puffy eyes not rolling down but causing a too big amount of them are hard to watch.

I nod and step forth to take him in my arms and try to comfort him. He collapses in my embrace, weeping and holding me tight. "I don't know what to do anymore y/n..."

"I hate to know you like that..." I speak in a low voice, rubbing his back but not knowing how to react exactly to not make a mistake. "But...Jaemin...you told me you would never catch any feelings...I believed you and that's why I thought it would be okay..."

"I can't...I thought that if I wasn't talking to you anymore this would be better for me but I don't have anyone like you who I know I can trust and I don't want to live without you at all...I would rather die..." his feebleness expresses through his voice and behavior. "I had to text you because I had a panic attack and that scared me like hell...it was so painful that I just wanted to faint to not have to stand it anymore..."

"Why didn't you call me and tell me right away? I would have come without thinking twice..." I move my head back to look at him, his despair and gloom drawn on his face the more the tears are flowing. "I know you're mad at me...I was scared that you could have thought I was just being pity and dragging you down when you're the one who suffered because of me...but then...I just had to ask you...I felt like I was about to do something bad..."

I wipe his tears away to get rid of those I hate to see on his face, this one I used to see so bright and happy. "Let's get on the sofa," I bring him to it, sitting down to feel more comfortable but grabbing hold of a remote control, to roll the shudders down a little bit and not let the sun pass through the windows behind the TV. I know he likes dim light and so do I, so this will maybe make him feel a bit better.

"Do you want something to drink or eat?" I start slowly at first, putting him at ease in here. "Some water will be enough..my head keeps on aching..."

I nod and rise from my spot to head to the kitchen just at our left, I make it quick to take a glass and large bottle of water I kept in the fridge, in order to go back to him with the glass full. "Here," I hand him his drink, sitting down by his side once he takes it and gulps the whole amount of liquid in once. "You can serve yourself as much as you want, I have my own drink."

"Thank you..." he puts the glass down on the coffee table, filling it again as if he hasn't hydrated himself in a while. "Tell me what you wanted to talk about..." I lay my eyes on him, crossing my legs onto the sofa. He sips on his cold drink for some seconds, before leaving it on the flat surface to lean back. "I'm afraid to tell you all the truth..."

"You're here now so tell me," I spur him to let it out, not being here with him for a simple conversation between friends. His hands bond together, his fingers fiddling with one another, he shows some nervousness unconsciously and never lets his eyes come across mine. "I...I miss you a lot...I didn't expect to feel that way but...that's so fucking hard to deal with it...and I keep on asking myself so many questions which is what hurts the most..."