Learning To Love Him (boyxboy) (Completed)

Learning To Love Him 36

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*Jayden*

I lay on the couch staring at the roof. The house was silent because everyone had gone out to buy the bus tickets and prepare to leave but I opted to stay home. Corey had left in the morning, he hadn't told anyone where he was going, just disappeared. It was normal for him though, so no one had been too worried about it.

"Finn likes you." I smiled at the fact that his random popping up didn't faze me at all.

"I know." I didn't look at him.

"You know? And you're okay with that?" Corey's voice sounded closer now before his head leaned over me blocking my view of the ceiling.

"Yeah, I mean, he's cool... and hot. He's a lot of fun to hang out with and he's funny. I quite like him too –"

"No! No, you don't! You don't like him!" Corey practically dove onto me, the angriest frown I had ever seen from him on it and I just began laughing.

His face turned confused before he glowered at me, "Asshole."

"You deserve it," I smirked.

"You used to be so terrified and shy." He shook his head seeming almost disappointed, "Now I have to be mated to a smart-mouthed terrified, annoying person."

"I'm not annoying." The word had left me so offended. I watched as he smiled at me without saying a word. His eyes studied my face before they drifted to my neck. What was he thinking? "Maybe we should..." My words drowned out as his lips met mine quickly. It caught me slightly off guard because his behaviour towards me had changed so much recently and my mind couldn't help but wonder if he knew what he was doing or just moving impulsively because of our mate bond again. Despite that thought, I practically went limp at the feeling and enjoyed the ecstasy of being close to him, of having him seem to want to be close to me.

My body unwillingly tensed slightly as his hands ran down to my waist. I tried to hide it, he was my mate. Doing this with him was right... wasn't it?

I shivered as his fingers grazed against my bare torso beneath my shirt and he chuckled finding the reaction amusing. It made me give him a playful shove and that only caused more laughter from him. I felt myself relax surrounded by the deep, cheerfulness of his chuckling as his hand gently brushed against my skin. It wasn't anything like that... He wasn't like that, this wasn't like that.

I lifted my head off the couch to press my lips against his hoping to show him that I was happy to be with him and he reacted very fast. Within seconds his shirt was off and mine had followed, thrown somewhere on the floor that we did not are to look towards. His lips moved from mine down to my jaw planting hot, eager kisses on every centimetre of my skin. I stiffened up a little as my palms touched his bare chest, his body weighing down onto mine and it was as though the reality of our position kicked in.

I completely froze when his hands reached to undo the button of my jeans and suddenly my chest felt horribly compressed. It was getting a little too much too fast. I knew wanted him close to me, I loved the feeling of his lips against my neck and wanted him to keep touching me but at the same time, I was freaking out and couldn't seem to inhale anymore. I was on the verge of a panic attack and if I began shaking, he would know something was wrong.

"Corey –" I mumbled grabbing his hand as the sound of the fly of my pants being unzipped sounded. I was terrified. I didn't want to make him think anything but I also couldn't...

"What's up?" He pulled back looking puzzled.

"Is-isn't this fast?" I whispered.

"Maybe, but you're my mate. I'm yours. I'm not going anywhere." He pulled me back towards him trying to initiate another kiss but I impulsively shoved him away a little too roughly.

"I..."

"You're scared?" His brows rose as his eyes glanced over my face, "Why is it that every time I get close to you, you freak out?" He asked.

"I-I'm not freaking out." The voice that left my mouth contradicted what I was saying so I quickly added, "I just don't want to."

"We're not even naked, it's not like anything's going to happen. We're just having fun and I thought you wanted this... Us?" He asked.

"I did. I do. I just don't want to... Not-not yet."

"Okay. We won't." He spoke with a mischievous smile. I stared at him confused for a second before it quickly turned to a glare.

"Don't you dar –" I let out a shout as he began tickling me, "Corey!" I hated being tickled. I was going to kill him. He grabbed my wrist as I tried to fight the attack before pinning them beside my head.

"Fine." He chuckled. I smiled up at him as he leaned back down to kiss me. It was much slower than the last time, and the kiss did not feel like it was heading anywhere as if it was enough and we were just enjoying the moment.

It was amazing... but it wasn't supposed to be. How could it be? How could I be enjoying it? I didn't! I didn't enjoy it! I couldn't be when I swore I did not want it. How could I like this?! He was going to hurt me and it was going to be my fault again because I let it happen! I pulled my wrist from his hands and slammed my fist into his chest to get him away from me.

"Jayden! What the hell was that for?!" My eyes shot wide as he got off me and backed away holding his hands up in defence. My heart was racing it my chest, but it wasn't the kiss. Corey... It's just Corey... I shut my eyes trying to catch my breath while lifting my hands to my face. Shit! I ruined our moment and scared him.

"I'm sorry." I sat up quickly, "Just – it's... I just thought we were getting carried away." It seemed like a good enough excuse for my reaction.

"No, don't lie. Not again. What was that? Tell me why you're so uneasy with me." He demanded. I thought you were...

"I wasn't – I'm not. I was joking." The lie was accompanied by a pathetic attempt at a laugh.

"Jayden –" He began.

"Drop it, alright?!" I cut him off. I hated lying to him, I hated disappointing him and couldn't keep doing it but I couldn't tell him the truth either, "Just fucking – Just drop it!" I didn't wait for a response from him, instead shoving off the couch to walk out.

I headed straight to my room and shut the door before leaning against it. The wood felt cold against my back as I let my head fall back against it, my eyes stinging. I was not sure what upset me more, my thoughts or the fact that it felt like I was a disappointment or let-down to Corey.

I hated that I'd reacted to him like that, he was never going to stop asking questions. I felt so stupid, so absurd. They did not look at all alike, Corey felt nothing like him! How could I have compared it? A sigh made my chest feel like it was falling into itself as I slid down to the floor, the door scratching against my bare back before I hid my head in my arms as they rested on my knees. How could I think it was possible to just brush by everything? To just forget it. I had tried so hard but could not even kiss someone without losing it. I was so weak... So fucking pathetic... Corey was going to notice, had already noticed... He was going to become frustrated at how I was acting, and when he found out he was going to hate me more than when he found out we were mated.

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