Rebel

Sorry...

Where has the author been?

Hi guys. My name is Natalie.

I am a 14 year old that has been struggling through suicidal problems since I was in sixth grade.

I was recently put in a mental hospital for a week and came back worse.

I have been rarely uploading because of issues at home and at school. I feel like a failure, my grades weren't as good as before, I'm struggling with my weight, I try to be the perfect daughter.

I struggle with depression a lot. My family sees me as this girl that stays quiet in dinners and disrespects people even thought they disrespect me.

I lost 28 pounds because I thought that maybe being skinny would make everyone like me a little more.

Boy was I wrong.

My family mistreats next calling me a lesbian and I've never given them that hint that I was.

I recently fully came out and it's so fucking hard to even tell my family cause they are homophobic.

I've been crying a lot this week and getting mad at myself because I drive people away and because I think no one will ever like a trashy person like me.

It's hard because on top of that I have a ton of books I'm writting and I can't even continue.

My family is so poor to the point we can't even celebrate my birthday or do anything for christmas. I was so mad because they can use the money we have for personal things but not my birthday.

I cry myself to sleep because I wonder, people that are worse than me get what they want, why can't I?

I barely see my parents and no one at school wants to even talk to me.

Then in writting, I feel like I'm getting worse and worse and people are losing interest in me and that I'm boring and people will click that X button because my stories suck and that its easier if I just end my life.

I was going through a mental breakdown the other day and my friends were too fucking busy and even my own family.

The fact that people like them always say "we are there for you when you are going through something" makes me laugh because where the hell are you?!?

I am so lost right now. And I do not wanna continue life.

I'm sorry that I haven't been uploading and I'm sorry if I sound like a brat complaining through everything.

I love you.