I'm not okay

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Okay, so yesterday on Christmas Eve I had a crisis situation, I had multiple panic attacks, I cried really hard, I also fainted and I really wanted to go the hospital, I was ready to get signed into a mental hospital bc if how much of a mess I was. Instead my parents took me home, bc this happened all in the small hallway of a restaurant we were at for Christmas Eve, my whole family was there, but most of them don't know what happened or why we left that soon.
It was horrible. I thought I had hit rock bottom before, but it was nothing compared to what happened.

I was already in a bad mental state, I also got rejected by my crush and I hate my family, bc I knew they were laughing at me or like talking about me. I honestly don't know how I even survived yesterday, bc I seriously felt like dying. Now today wasn't much better. I'm physically and mentally sick and I'm just exhausted. I'm just so worn out. I swear during summer break I'm gonna go to a mental hospital voluntarily, bc I desperately need it, but I can't do it during school, bc I'll miss too much and I don't wanna lose another year and graduate at age 20, bc I'm already graduating at age 19.

I'm just a mess, a complete and utter mess. I have a headache, my throat hurts, my stomach hurts and mentally I've never been worse. Only a few days ago, I thought 2020 was looking bright and now this. I can't believe I'm going through this. I just I could've never imagined feeling like this was possible and even when it's happening it's hard to believe.

I don't what will happen or how this will affect my updates, but I wanted to tell you guys in case it takes me a while to upload again.

I hope you guys understand. Thank you and I'm sorry.

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