Desperado

twelve.

"I tried to scream.... but my head was underwater"

Jamon

"Wow... this place is lovely," I say as I walk in studying the three story house. Shit was never this nice back at home so I was pretty much out of my element. I really couldn't blame my mom for kicking me out the house... I understand what she thought of me due to what I did, but I just wish someone... Anyone would understand the personal demons I have to work with myself.

"Another day, another dollar." I say as I take a few pills out of the bottle and throw them into my mouth. I had a bad habit of illegally medicating myself with pills I'd bought and even my own mother's pills. It made me feel like I could finally escape my troubles. I felt free. It gave me a euphoric high that I simply couldn't explain.

My head began to spin and it felt like the world was moving in slow motion, rotating around me. I knew exactly how this feeling felt. Another overdose. I couldn't control it once it happened so I went along with it. My limbs began to grow weak and I plummeted to the floor. Between blinks, I felt my consciousness fade in and out. Then a weird foamy substance began coming from my mouth.

When I woke up again.. I was in the hospital bed restrained with leather buckles. They had thought it was a suicide attempt and put me on watch for a full 48 hours.

Memories of the moment had never really shaken me or scared me into stopping. I stopped for a while but fell right back into the toxic rotation. Pop pills, stay high for the entire day, forget the next day, and repeat. I had been suffering with depression and anger for a while. Nobody understood me. The main source of my hurt was coming from my ex-boyfriend, Rahmek. He had been so inconsiderate with respecting my wishes to remain loyal and it completely broke me.

I didn't know where to turn or which shoulder to cry on because no one would understand. What was I gonna tell my mom ? Mom I'm gay. No.. I would've been disowned and abandoned. Then you've got this two men who I'm guessing are close knit friends take me into their house and make me feel like I've finally been heard.

"Come on Jamon.. I'll show you where you can stay." The ones with braids said. "I'm Derrick. My boy Donny and I really liked your rap." I smiled and thanked him while walking into the room door he opened. It was beautiful. A nice and big bed with a flat screen, and huge windows. It was more than enough.

"Listen Jamon, there's this issue Donny and I are dealing with." Derrick starts off saying. He explains to me how they were caught up in the hunt of a drug lord and were planning to take back their lives for good. That's when it hit me. "I can help. It's the least I could do since you're giving me a roof over my head. I've been in the streets before so its nothing new." His eyes lit up and he ran over to pull me into a full embrace. "Donny is gonna be so happy!" He said as I smiled.

Derrick was very attractive and his masculinity was something anyone could fall for. He had that type of talk where his spit game could get any nigga naked in seconds. I wonder if he had been involved in a relationship. "So what are you and Donny?" He scratched the back of his head and hesitated before answering. "He's like my best friend." I nod and he feels his beard signifying he felt uncomfortable. Note taken.

Donny

I was so proud of myself for speaking up and helping a younger person with his struggles. I called in some Chinese takeout for the four of us as Byron rings the doorbell. I pull the door open and step back for him to come in. "Nah, I've got to get going but tell Derrick that I'll be back tomorrow. Bye Donny!" I nodded and waved at him before shutting the door.

"FOOD SHOULD BE READY IN ABOUT 15 MINUTES." I yell up the stairs. I see Derrick rush down the stairs looking flustered while rubbing his lips. Hmm weird. "We have to go pick up the food in about 15 minutes love. I called that spot on... 6th street." I say checking my phone for the address. "What did you get me?" He asked. "Shrimp lo mein, no vegetables, no rice?" I said and he smiled. I had seen him bring that in and talk about it so much at work that I just so happened to remember. 

"Cmere and give me a kiss." I wait for him to walk over and  i grab his face, laying a few kisses on his forehead and then down to his lips. "Why your lips smell like that?" I asked. 

He pulled out the chapstick in his pocket and I read Lime Citrus. "Ou, fancy! But tell Jamon to come on. He can order when we get to the place." He nods and runs back upstairs. I grab the keys off the table and walk outside to get into the car. I was gonna be whipping this bitch today. I wait as a few minutes go by. HONK! Finally, they both come stumbling out and get into the car.

"Boy why are you driving? I thought I was gonna be driving." Derrick said laughing and adjusting the passenger seat. "Well you thought wrong.. I don't even have a car anymore. They did god knows what with it when I left it at the warehouse before the death trap of a mission. I'm mad because the bracelet that my mom had made for me was left in there and I wish I had it." I sighed as I put the car into reverse, backing out of the driveway. The ride there was silent other than the radio playing and it felt pretty awkward.

"Derrick.. I talked to Aoki. She won't be able to make it love. I'm sorry.." He says pressing his fingers against his lips. "It's fine. I'm actually relieved. She didn't need to get involved anyways." I say as I turn into the parking lot. "Yeah well Jamon offered to help and I've got about ten of my men who are helping so.. I think we should do it tomorrow." I felt my heart sink at the thought but accepted it for what it is.

I walk into the establishment with thoughts creeping in and out of my mind. What if it went wrong? It doesn't matter. It must be done. I greet the worker and pull the food from over the counter, forcing a smile. "Jamon, you can come and order what you'd like." I said as he smiled and walked up to the counter. He hadn't said a single thing to me ever since we'd gotten into the car but maybe he's just shy.

We eventually leave the restaurant and start to make our way back to the car. Derrick begins to explain the entire plan to me on the drive home and how we must be super careful. "A flock is nothing without their leader. You take out Pablo, I take out the other two main members of his notorious gang." He states with no type of concern or worry. I nod to the plan and pull back into the driveway.

Jamon offered to take the bags inside as I shot a quick text message to Aoki. As we sat and ate our food, it was an uncomfortable silence. No one was talking to anyone. Jamon and Derrick were silent, so I put my plate into the sink and decided to go to sleep. It would be a long and awaited day tomorrow and I'd at least like to have enough energy to make it through.

Authors Note

Happy New Years guys ! I hope you all are enjoying the new decade, but I'm sorry for not updating in the past few days. I've been exhausted but this chapter literally had no effort put into it so I apologize if it's shitty. I'm trying to learn as I go. Feel free to comment any mistakes, suggestions, or corrections you feel should be made.