One-Shots [Boboiboy]

Banned

"Quake, Thunderstorm, you two need to listen to me right now," Solar said direly, leering at the two across the table.

Quake set his fork down, having an internal conflict on whether if he should swallow the mac n' cheese in his mouth.

"No," Thunderstorm deadpanned, stabbing his fork into his bacon.

Quake elbowed Thunderstorm, which the edgelord sighed in reply. Muttering incoherent ancient hexes under his breath, he shoved the fried meat into his mouth and glared at the light elemental, as if daring him to waste more of his precious morning time.

Solar was dressed in his pyjamas, his hair a frenzy and his visors tilted, but that didn't defeat the serious look in his expression, even though he looked like a madman escaping from an asylum.

"You and Thunderstorm are—" Before he could finish, a body collided with his and knocked him out from the two's eyesight.

Cyclone slammed his palms onto the table, rattling everyone's plates and knocking Ice's coffee over the table, which filled the scent with coffee beans and milk.

"You two are legally forbidden to take off your shirts," he said with utmost seriousness.

Everyone turned to the aerokinetic, stoned faced. Blaze dropped his spoon into his cereal, milk splattering on the wooden surface, splashing frootloops in drops of cow juice.

Thunderstorm levelled him with a deathly stare, still chewing on his pork. "What?" he demanded, voice muffled.

Quake groaned and leaned backwards onto his chair, hands clamping over his eyes as if he'd reached his limit of handling his team going bonkers for the century.

"Really," Quake groused, dragging the back of his palm over his forehead in exasperation. "There's real crimes outside with murder and blackmail, but you come to me telling me I can't strip."

"Especially in public," Solar added, returning to his feet by clinging to the table. He magically pulled out a tablet, fingers running across the screen like he was defusing a nuclear bomb. "According to statistics, people around our battles have been sent into hospitals more frequently when you two are either on the scene together or apart."

Thunderstorm's eye twitched, his fingers cramping. "That's not how—"

"What makes it interesting is that none of these patients have sustained injuries related to the invasions; at times they have no injuries at all," Solar continued, turning his tablet for everyone to see. "Instead, they were admitted to ICU due to their sudden blood pressure spiking or blood-loss. These are more casualties than the battle itself, racking up to six-hundred and twenty-one percent on average."

The tablet displayed a growing horizontal bar graph, of which had seven rows and seven elemental emblems on the side. On the top of the graph, Thunderstorm and Quake's had struck the motherload each, bringing in more casualties than the others combined in one battle alone.

"And this has got to do with us getting stark naked?" Thunderstorm snapped, throwing his fork at the light elemental, who dove just in time to evade the cutlery. "It's too early for this. Shut the fuck up and let me have my breakfast without your rambling."

Solar raised his eyebrow, surprised that the two oldest elementals haven't grasped on the concept and the direness of the situation. He turned off his tablet and placed it down on the table, arms crossing.

"The casualties are divided into two genders: male and female," Solar ignored his threats. "Quake's battle categories rack in more female admissions into the nearest care units; and in contrast, Thunderstorm's bringing in the males."

"Ooh." Blaze covered his mouth with his hands. "Quake and Thunder are sexist!"

Everyone whipped to him, but Blaze shrugged and gestured for the attention to be directed back onto the trio's predicament.

Quake coughed, sitting back up. "Still don't see the connection," he slurred irritably, resting his head on his palm. His appetite was ruined for the day from this topic. "Solar, please, go back to sleep." He waved his hand in exhaustion and motioned the night owl to return to his den—

"What he means is: Quake is making his fangirls nosebleed hardcore anime-style and Thunderstorm is turning all the guys gay."

Instantly, the room's eyes were turned to Thorn, who blinked innocently in retrospect.

"What?" Thorn asked, taking another bite out of his mac n' cheese. He turned to Solar. "Did I say something wrong?" He swallowed his mouthful.

Solar coughed, putting his fist in front of his mouth. "No, no," he said quickly, hiding a snicker as a snort. "You didn't. In fact—" he turned to Quake and Thunderstorm, gesturing dramatically at the plant elemental in exasperation, "—he's given us an accurate description of your problem."

Quake's head slipped off his palm.

Thunderstorm froze dead on the spot.

Three minutes later, a golem's body burst through the roof, followed by an explosion of red lightning and the shout of: "ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME?"