Bad Habits

Prologue

I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me. Now as I look around walking into this place full of laughter and pointless talk, I can’t help but wonder if I like them.

I see his head of brown hair in the crowd and slowly make my way over to him. He senses my presence quickly and turns taking me in with his soft pale blue eyes. His face always brings me comfort and for that I am grateful.

“You’re alone.” He states slightly confused looking behind me to confirm his previous statement.

I nod my head slightly faking a small smile as much as I can. Sometimes you have to stay silent because no words can explain the shit that is going on in your chaotic mind and aching heart. 

Unordinary of my brother he doesn’t say anymore. I release a breath I didn’t know that I was holding. I look around at all the smiling familiar faces of the people in his life, old and new friends. Some catch my eye but I quickly look away. I no longer have the energy for meaningless friendships, forced interactions or unnecessary conversations.

Louis places something cold into my hand and I look down to see a flute of bubbly golden liquid.

Champagne.

“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe. Trust. Let go and see what happens.” He says before taking a sip of his own drink.

I don’t need a plan? Does he not know who his own sister is? My whole life has been nothing but a plan. From the day my parents conceived me accordingly, to the day that I graduated at the age of 16, and went to a big University. I had always dreamed of majoring in Psychology and minoring in business which I have accomplished according to the plan, to even moving back here at home and starting my career.

He was never supposed to happen. We were never supposed to happen. It was never apart of my plan. I ignore my shaking hands bringing the flute to my red covered lips. I hear him sigh as I look around at the busy room filled with loud annoying chatter.

I sigh in relief at the fact that I have yet to see my parents. I don't think I could handle them at this exact moment in time. 

“You only find one great love in your life, all I’m saying is to ask yourself if whatever is going on, worth the love you are about to lose.” He says seriously.

I finally turn to look at him and see the sadness that fills his eyes while looking at me. My chest tightens after he says ‘the love I am about to lose’. If anyone knows about lost love it would be him.

Who am I kidding? I may be able to fool this room of nobodies but never my own flesh and blood. Never Louis.

Life is always about decisions. They may be big or small. Some are good, while others are bad; why is that the bad things always feel the greatest? Maybe when things are falling apart they may be actually falling into place.

His bright smile flashes through my mind at the speed of sound. I can feel my heart begin to race rapidly.

The worst thing anyone can do to his or her self would be to lie. I need to be real and honest. I will never be over him. No matter how hard I try, it will always be him.

Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go. There is only truth when one says that in the waves of change we find our true direction.

My brother places his hand softly on my shoulder. I look up as he speaks.

“Go.”

I quickly jump forward wrapping my arms around him tightly.  “Thank you Lou..”

I make my way to the front door of the house holding up some of the fabric of my dress so it doesn’t slow me down. Panic soon finds its way into my mind. The only thing I can do at the moment is pray that I am not too late. He needs to know the truth before anything happens.

Please don’t let it be too late. 

Authors' Note:

Hi loves.. so this is the start of my new story & I hope you think it's interesting enough. I am in the process of ending my very first ff so I won't upload again for Bad Habits until Cruel World is finished. Please comment your thoughts and vote so I know this story is good enough to continue. You're all beautiful and amazing. So much love xx Steph