Loving the sin (bxb)

Chapter 6 - Drifting

I should have felt satisfied, but I wasn't. I mean, Mister White, or Scott as I called him, was hot and the sex was good, but I didn't get what I came here for. The kisses were ruff, just like I needed them to be. There was no room for tenderness and love and I needed that as well. Seeing Scott bend over the table, where he sat all week, grading papers and reading quotes to us, was hot and I liked it. Hearing him beg for more, him a teacher, breathing my name and letting me have my way with him, was sexy and all I thought I needed that day, but when I left his office, I felt empty again. 

Or not again, but still. I had expected to feel different afterwards. Maybe lighter. But in the end I didn't and that was weird to me. I had a few meaningless hookups in my time in London. A one-night-stand, where I didn't even remember the guy's name in the morning. Letting people I didn't really desirer, sticking it in, even though I knew I wasn't very much into that. But I always felt good afterwards. Maybe a little dirty, but also relieved, because I simply had sex and a bloody orgasm. But with Mister White, I felt no such thing. And he was better than others I've had. 

No, Nathan wasn't the problem. He wasn't on my mind at all. Maybe still the feeling of needing him deep down and feeling guilty about what I had done, but he wasn't the only thing I thought about, which was a bit odd, considering he was the only reason I had searched for Scott in the first place. I didn't think I would sleep with him again. He was my teacher and that until the end of the year, I shouldn't fuck this up. When I helped him clean up and getting dressed afterwards, I had already told him, that this was a one time thing only and he had agreed. He hadn't thought it would turn into anything else, he had said. So we were good. 

When I drove home, I wanted to cry. Did I really just drive all the way to the school I just joined a week ago, to fuck my hot english teacher and now feel sorry for myself? I really was an arrogant twat sometimes. So I didn't cry, I had no reason to. I turned on the radio and listened to whatever the hell it was they were playing there, just to distract myself. When I pulled into the driveway of the house of hell, I immediately regretted coming here. But I had nowhere else to go this time of day. I could have gone to the diner, but there I would only think about, how Nathan and I were there a few days ago and had the time of our lives and how now I had missed the chance to relive that. And I couldn't meet Nathan either, for obvious reasons. 

All the cars were already parked in the drive way, which meant, that my aunt, uncle and also my cousins were already back, probably waiting for me. Bloody hell. I wandered through the door and was met with a nauseously strong smell of flowers and perfume. Louis was standing in the big foyer, coordinating servants, who placed big baskets of flowers in beautiful vases all over the place. Tommy was sitting in one of the armchairs, wearing sunglasses and holding a cup of coffee in his hand, all while looking as arrogant as ever, not helping at all. My uncle was on the phone and Julie was nowhere to be found. And surly, Louis spotted me. Oh fuck. 

"Ah Jesse, I was wondering where you were" she smiled, but it was so forced. Woman, we really didn't have to pretend all the time. Neither of us liked the other and that was obvious. 

"He was probably off banging some girl in church" Tommy decided to make himself known, while sipping on his coffee. I facepalmed, because he really wasn't helping. And also, did I smell or look like sex or how did he know?? Well, he was a little off, except if a girl in church meant my teacher in his classroom.

"Tommy!" Louis yelled and all the servants stopped whispering and shuffling around and froze on the spot, startled by her outburst. My aunt, realizing her tone, nervously chuckled in embarrassment, before letting that stone cold mask on her face return, clapping her hands and making those poor people work for a penny again. And they called me the devil. "Don't say such things in this house my dear" she said to her son, as sweet as she could, before turning to me. Ah great. "Now to you. Explain yourself. I though you were sick?" she asked, cold as ever.