Loving the sin (bxb)

Chapter 33 - Truth hurts

My heart literally hurt. It was cramping, beating against my ribcage, wanting to break out of there and slap that bitch itself. This was the first time since...I had a lovely boyfriend, that I saw him with that barbie Mary-Jane, hand in hand walking outside, where we actually wanted to meet to eat lunch in peace. But I guess she caught him and insisted decided on coming along. I had it coming, but it was still shit. 

Nathan threw me a miserable and apologetic look as he made his way over to me and Micah, his hand intertwined with Mary-Jane's. But I wasn't mad at him! I knew he had to do this in order to not get hurt by his father, so I would never judge him for that, what kind of monster would I be? I just hated Mary-Jane with every vain of my body, that was it. 

"Nathanael, don't you think we should go inside? I mean, I think David is waiting for us in the cafeteria" I heard Mary-Jane say and I groaned. Then go, nobody wants you here anyway. I heard a faint chuckle and when I glanced up, I saw Micah trying to hold back his giggles. Not that he was enjoying my misery, he was on mine and Nathan's side, obviously, but he found it very amusing how much I hated Mary-Jane. But come on, who wouldn't?

"Its fine...honey. I-I already promised Jesse and..I would much rather sit with him outside" Nathan confessed and when he quickly glanced at me, I smiled, trying to show my support. I knew all of this was very hard for him too. Yes he had pretended all of his life, but that didn't mean it was now easier for him. He liked Mary-Jane, as a friend, and it also made him feel guilty to tell her he loved her, when he really didn't. But what choice did they have? She probably didn't love him either, but just got used to the situation. 

Mary-Jane reluctantly agreed or at least not complained and let Nathan take her hand, making me growl lowly, as he was leading her over to us. As soon as he was in reach, I quickly and gently took ahold of his wrist, pulling him down next to me. The only empty place was now on the other side of the table, but Mary-Jane didn't seem to mind and sat down next to Micah, smiling awkwardly. Nathan's hand immediately found mine under the table, shyly intertwining our fingers and making me smile. I quickly had to put a tater tot in my mouth, so Mary-Jane wouldn't catch up on that and how much I was blushing. 

"Hey" Nathan said to Micah, before turning to me and shyly smiling "Hi" making me smile widely. Gosh I was so in love, is that even possible that a simple hi from my love made my stomach tingle and my body erupt in electric shocks? I squeezed his hand, whispering "Hey." I was lost in his eyes. It was like there was a whole ocean in his blue orbs, that was swallowing me and I was drowning, but I didn't mind. Not at all actually. My thumb brushed over the back of his hand and Nathan smiled, showing me all of his love without actually saying it. We were ripped out of our thoughts when Micah cleared his throat. When I looked at him, he nudged his head towards Mary-Jane, who looked a little confused, but still had that awkward smile on her lips. 

"Hey you two! How-...how are you?" Mary-Jane asked, bringing my mood down again just by making me listen to her squeaky high pitched voice. Yeah I hated everything about her.

"I-I'm good" Micah barely whispered. Mary-Jane nodded, smiling at him. Silence.

When I glanced up, I saw that everybody was looking at me, waiting for me to respond as well. Originally, I tried to play nice, but it was just very very hard seeing my love with her. Way harder than I had thought. I lowered my gaze, digging around in my food, before grumbling a 'Fine'.  Suddenly, I felt Nathan's hand on my thigh, silently asking for what we had originally planned to do: play nice. I mean, Mary-Jane wasn't really at fault here, I shouldn't hate her so much. My love was right, so I cleared my throat, looking up again. 

"I'm good. What about you?" I asked, forcing out a smile. When I glanced at my love, he threw me a thankful smile and I immediately felt guilty. I should really know how to control myself a bit more. After all, if I would keep acting this way either somebody would start question our friendship or Mary-Jane would start hating me and try to get Nathan as far away from me as possible. Not that she could actually succeed in that, but it would trouble my love and that wasn't fair towards him.