Loving the sin (bxb)

Chapter 41 - A wish for death

"For god's sake, put some clothes on! I can't even look at you right now!" Louis exclaimed as Edward sat me down at the dining room table, handing me my shirt and pants. But I didn't have the strength, the will and power to move for anything else but my love, who was...currently sitting in his room, awaiting his dad's return. And I was here, unable to leave, unable to help and save my angel...I was a failure. 

I just stared ahead, not moving, because I could have cared less about the fact, that I was only wearing my underwear and nothing else. Why didn't I listen to my gut feeling and stayed at home tonight? Why didn't I hear them pulling up to the house when I was kissing Nathan? Why didn't I fight harder to keep him safe? So now here I was, sitting on this uncomfortable and expensive chair, half naked, while I wanted nothing but death to release me from this pain. I knew that Walter was already very close to his house, which meant, Nathan's last few minutes were currently beginning and there was nothing I could do, there was no way to save him. 

"Oh for the love of god! Edward, at least put a shirt on your disgrace of a nephew please!" Louis exclaimed and I released a low sob as Edward nodded, taking my shirt and pulling it over my head. I just wanted to die. I just wanted to die with Nathan, so we could at least be together in this absurd place called heaven, or in our case hell. I wanted to just hold him and tell him that everything was going to be alright, even though that would be a lie. 

"So? Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Louis asked, but I wasn't even listening. I could almost feel it, Nathan's fear. I could feel it and I was afraid to also feel his pain once it started. Not because I didn't want to feel pain, but because I would know exactly what they were doing to him and I wouldn't be able to stop it. I would feel it, but couldn't stop it. But I guess that's what I deserved, right? I deserved so much more. I deserved to be in his place and take every hit, just everything they wanted him to feel. I couldn't help but cover my mouth at the thought of what they were planning for the love of my life right this second. 

"I always knew it...I knew there was something seriously wrong with you, but I just blamed it on your stupid parents, because they didn't raise you right and strict enough! But now that I know that you are a...a dirty perverted queer, it makes a lot of sense. You know, if you were my own son, you would be off to conversion therapy right now! But I guess I will have to have a serious talk with your parents first. Damn it Jesse, couldn't you have kept your perversions to yourself?! No, you had to drag the Andrews kid into this as well! I can never look Walter in the eyes ever again! Do you ever think about how your actions could affect and embarrass others??!" Louis yelled at me, but I wasn't even there, mentally. 

"Louis, we can s-still stop it! We can still drive there a-and help Nathan! Please, I'm begging you, don't let him pay for my mistakes! Walter will hurt him and possibly...kill him! Please don't let that happen! We can- You don't even have to do anything! Just let me leave and help him! Or let me call the police! Please I-I...Louis I can't live with myself, if Walter gets to him and...does the things he has planned!!" I pleaded and Louis just shook her head, scoffing. 

"Sit back down!" She commanded as I was just about to stand up and try to get through to her. Edward pressed me down by my shoulders and the tears were burning in my eyes, as my bottom lip quivered. She wouldn't let me go, right? There was nothing I could do...I would just have to sit here, knowing that Nathan was going through the worst pain of his life, which could result in exactly that ending for goon...my heart hurt in unspeakable ways and I sobbed, my desperation and pain showing. Not that Louis would care. I could try and run, but we were circled by servants, who probably had the orders to catch me if I tried to flee and my body was already too weak to even fight Edward.

"Now, stop crying for heaven's sake. You are not a girl, although, now I'm not too sure about that anymore. Jesus Christ Jesse, really, from all the boys at your school you could have embarrassed us with, it had to be Nathanael Andrews! Couldn't you have kept your perversion to yourself like any other man in this world?! And then you even had the audacity to make a big deal about this! Why couldn't you let Walter just handle his son for heaven's sake?!" Louis asked and that got my attention. Handle him... she said it like Nathan wasn't a human being anymore, just because he was gay.