Loving the sin (bxb)

Chapter 35 - Graveyard

"And do you remember one year ago or maybe it was two, I don't know, doesn't matter, when Misses Miller accidentally missed the talent show she was supposed to host and the principle had to improvise and he didn't even know the names of the kids, so he just introduced them by their appearance?" Nathan giggled and Micah laughed. 

"Oh my god, I forgot about that! I remember that he introduced Lilly, from my math class, as 'the boy with a mustache" Micah giggled and Nathan laughed, throwing his head back while he held onto my hand, his back slightly leaning against my chest, as I had my arm around him. We had finally managed to hang out with Micah in the van and it was actually a lot of fun...only problem was, I wasn't feeling really well at all that day. 

"Oh my god, that poor girl! He can be really mean, I mean, he called Brad 'the kid who can't play the trumped that well'" Nathan chuckled and Micah laughed. I just looked at them, trying to enjoy myself and laugh along, but somehow, I couldn't... I smiled, but not really and I wasn't even listening to half of the conversation, if I was being honest. Nathan released another laugh and when he turned his head around, to see if I was enjoying myself as well, I had reacted too slowly with my fake smile and Nathan had definitely caught it. 

"Hey, are you ok?" Nathan asked and I pressed out a half hearted smile, trying not to worry my love. 

"Uh yeah...yeah I'm fine, don't worry" I said, trying to act normal, but my love was not buying it. Micah had also caught my slip up and frowned, looking slightly worried as well. 

"Really Jesse? You've been quiet all day" Micah softly stated and Nathan sat up between my legs, turning around slightly to look into my eyes. His gentle hand reached for my cheek, to make me look at him and I knew I couldn't lie to my love. He was worried and I could either pull myself together and lie or just tell him what was up so he didn't have to worry anymore. But we both hated lying so...

"Yeah, whats wrong?" he asked softly and my lips twitched into a sad smile, taking his hand from my face and caging it between my own. 

"Its just...uh it's stupid...I- It would have been Johnny's birthday today" I confessed, looking rather at Nathan's hand, which was laying between my own, than at the faces of my worried friend and boyfriend. It made me feel calm and not so vulnerable, but I could basically feel Nathan's face dropping into a sad and kind of shocked smile. When I looked up, I saw exactly what I had expected, but to be honest, it only comforted me. 

"Who is Johnny?" Micah asked. I had told Micah about my little brother before, but never used his name. It, even after all these years and though he was so young, somehow hurt talking about him. Yes, I know it was ridiculous and I had gotten so used to forgetting Johnny, that whenever I remembered him, it hurt even more. I had actually not used his name in a long time, before I had told Nathan about him. 

"Uhm my little brother...." I said and Micah's mouth formed an O shape, before his face turned into a sad and embarrassed one, as he bit his lip. I wanted to say that it was fine and that he shouldn't worry, but Nathan got my attention again, since he probably knew I would try and defend my emotions or well...more like non-existing emotions, by turning my hands around and taking them into his own, to comfort me once more. 

"How old would he have been today?" Nathan asked and I bit my lip. 

"He would have been 14 years old" I said. Just now I realized, that Johnny was nearly as old as Micah and that I really subconsciously used him as a replacement, which sounds so wrong and it probably was. I loved Micah and I couldn't see my life without him, but I had probably started to take him under my wing, because I saw a little bit of Johnny in him or how I imagined him to be now. 

"Just like I am" Micah said, with a smile on his face and that actually brought me a lot of happiness. Not only that he had realized what this meant, but that he saw it as a compliment rather than an insult.