Loving the sin (bxb)

Chapter 43 - Running away

I stayed in front of the church for a while, mainly because my limbs were shaking. It was partly the extreme exhaustion I felt after not leaving my bed for so long and also the shock. Nathan was alive...he was alive, he was alive, he was alive. Even after that short but infuriating talk with Gabriel, I still only thought about how my angel wasn't dead. He was alive and walking. He survived and so I would survive too. 

I sat down on the ground, covering my mouth, so I wouldn't make too much pathetic noise and just started weeping uncontrollably. It were tears of pure relief and somewhat happiness. He was alive, he was alive, he was alive. That was all that mattered to me. Of course I was still very bloody worried about what exactly happened at the Andrews house, especially after Gabriel said, that they 'healed' Nathan, but at least my love wasn't dead! The world hadn't lost an angel and my heart was just very overwhelmed by the whole situation. 

There was nobody else in that parking lot and so I took my time to calm down, thanking all the gods and goddesses that may or may not exist, that they let my love live. That he was alive and hopefully it would stay that way...And maybe...we could be together. Of course I knew that there was a real possibility, that what happened scared Nathan away and he was now going to pretend to be with Mary-Jane for the rest of his life. But at least he was alive...

After I pulled myself together a bit, I got into my car and drove back home, heading straight for the van, where I would meet Micah. I just hoped that Walter or David wouldn't see him and keep him from my love, but Micah was pretty slim and small, maybe he could do it. I just needed to know if he was alright. I needed to know, what they did to him and if he wanted me to get him out of there, because I would, in a heartbeat. So while I was walking towards the van and although I knew it would take a while for Micah to arrive, especially since he didn't own a car, that he was able to drive over here, I needed to be in the place I felt closest to Nathan. 

He was alive...that thought kept me sane. My hands were trembling, as I was unlocking the van, but I didn't care. I didn't care that I could have fallen asleep standing up or that my legs hurt like I had run for two years straight. All I cared about, was Nathan and what Micah would be able to find out. I just hoped they wouldn't just throw him out of church before he got the chance to even say hello to him. But as long as David was still scared shitless, that I would tell everybody about his little incest affair, I hoped that at least he would leave little Micah alone. 

I sat down in Nathan's and my cuddle corner, the place where we had held each other after confessing our love for one another. The place where I comforted my angel after his dad had beaten him for the first time. The place where we made love. The place we made so many good and beautiful memories together and that made me tear up just thinking about it. Everything was so complicated back then, but easier than now. Who would have thought, that everything would only get harder for us? I hugged one of the pillows, that Nathan used to rest on. It still smelled like him and I only allowed myself to imagine him with me, because I knew that he was alive. 

I was so nervous, so so nervous for what Micah would bring me. Would he give me good news, bad news? Would Nathan tell me to stay away or not say anything at all? It would hurt, like hell, but it was better than knowing he was dead...My hands were sweaty, but I kept calming myself with Nathan's scent. I hugged the pillow like I would have liked to hug Nathan, if he was here with me right now and still loved me. I just wanted him close. I just wanted to feel his warmth, his arm around me and his face buried against my chest. 

Time passed and it felt like I was waiting for days when in reality, maybe an hour had passed since I had arrived at the van. I was beginning to get very nervous, because maybe David did dare to approach Micah and maybe even threaten or hurt him. I did not like the thought of that at all and I was beginning to feel incredibly guilty for letting him go inside of that place by himself, where he would be surrounded by crazy toxic people, some of which even bullied him.