Loving the sin (bxb)

Chapter 7 - Masks and wine

"Jesse?" 

Oh fuck. Of course it was him, why did I even have a doubt in my mind for one second? Nathan was standing in front of me, his eyes big, the smile forced. Even now my stomach was filled with butterflies, that I couldn't control. He looked dashing in his bluish grey suit and I just wanted to hug him, beg for forgiveness or more importantly, kiss him. But I couldn't. Not only because we were surrounded by old catholic cunts, but because Nathan despited me. 

"Nathan.. hi" I said, trying to sound less nervous than I actually was. He looked so stunning and I could have kicked myself in the nuts for ruining what we had. I could be talking to him right now and it wouldn't be awkward, if I hadn't gone right ahead and kissed the poor guy. We basically just stared at each other uncomfortably, since neither one of us knew what to say. Just as I was about to open my mouth and say something, probably apologizing again, Nathan beat me to it. 

"I will see you around" he said softly, walking away again. This was the first exchange we had since I had dropped him off at his house after I- after the kiss. I still thought about it, shamefully. I knew it was wrong and wasn't returned, but just the thought of his lips against mine, as painful as it was, I was still getting a tingly feeling from it. Suddenly, I felt a tug on my sleeve, just to see Julie, who was asking me to bend down to her hight, so she could whisper something in my ear, which I did. 

"Jesse, where do you know that guy from?" she asked, blushing bright pink. 

"We go to school together.. why Julie? Do you like him?" I teased, but Julie turned even redder. Oh my baby girl had a crush! That was adorable. 

"D-Don't tell mom! He comes to all of our parties with his family and.. I-I don't know he is just so pretty" Julie blushed. I couldn't blame her, Nathan had me wrapped around his finger from the moment I laid my eyes on him and I was whipped ever since. Who wouldn't fall for such a precious, nice, funny, kind and sweet guy? Oh man, here I go falling for him again. 

"He really is" I mumbled, looking at Nathan, who just got himself a glass of juice from one of the servants. I said it more to myself, but Julie apparently caught it. For a moment, I was afraid she would ask questions or make the connection, but she just shrugged it off, looking back at Nathan again and admired him from afar, just like I did. I wanted to be near him, be able to talk to him, to make this evening more bearable, but that wasn't possible, not without his consent at least. And I didn't think he would forgive me anytime soon, he had made that very clear by now. 

We continued to greet the guests, but my eyes kept wandering back to watch Nathan and how he smiled at people, who talked to him and how he looked happy, but also a little uncomfortable. Why that was, I had no idea. When the last guests finally arrived, we were free to walk around the party, get us something to drink and entertain the guests. My task would have been to entertain Nathan and make him feel at home, but I guess that was only possible, if he wouldn't talk to me. So you could say, I was in a bit of a pickle. 

I wandered around the filled house, causally saying hello to people again and engaging in a bit of conversation. I had been taught how to do so from a very young age and even though my aunt didn't think I was capable of doing it, the positive reactions of the people I was talking to, proved her wrong. When a waiter brought some wine, I quickly grabbed a glass and also one filled with juice, swapping out the liquids. Well, I spilled the grape juice in a vase with flowers and the wine into the glass of the juice, so it would look like I was drinking regular children drinks. I needed some alcohol, if I wanted to make it through this evening. When I saw Tommy across the room doing the same, I winked at him and raised my glass. He laughed and I felt better. 

Nathan was currently talking to some middle-aged Lady. I think I recognized her from the baking sale, but I could have been wrong. I wondered why Mary-Jane wasn't here and if her family wasn't 'respected' enough for her to attend this party. Not that I minded, actually I was happy to not see that doll face for once. I couldn't keep my eyes off of Nathan, no matter how hard I tried. I just needed to see him and maybe I hoped that he would look at me too. Sometimes, I caught him staring at me, but it never satisfied me, because the nervously cold and uncertain look in his eyes, didn't show the affection I had hoped to find.