Loving the sin (bxb)

Chapter 19 - Bruises don't leave

But he didn't. Nathan didn't show up the next day or the day after that or the day after that. It was still our winter break and tomorrow would be New Years eve. I was so worried about him, but from what Nathan had told me so far, his family, or more specifically his brother and father, would not appreciate it, if I was to barge into their home, because I was worried they might yell at their son and brother. But I was honestly fed up. 

This was day four of me waiting in the van all day, worrying like a wife when her husband is fighting in a war. But Nathan's war was far more complicated than a normal one and I didn't like that he had to fight it alone. I couldn't concentrate on the record I was listening to and I wanted to just run to Nathan's house, but maybe then I would miss him, if he did decide to come here today. I was a mess. The first day he hadn't showed up, I was worried sick and didn't leave the van until the next morning, just waiting for him. Well I did fall asleep, but it was very cold. When he also didn't show the next day, I got extremely worried. 

And now, I was so close to just calling the cops and let them take care of it. No sign of life from Nathan for three days after he had left in a hurry, that was bad, real bad actually. Why hadn't I send him home on time? Why wasn't I able to take better care of my angel? I was blaming myself, of course I was. After all, I had a watch and knew when my love had to be home. Even if his father just yelled at him, I didn't want him to get in trouble, especially because of me. I was biting my lip nervously, thinking the worst. 

Just when the song 'All along the Watchtower' by Jimi Hendrix started playing, I decided I had enough. Even if I would have to climb through Nathan's window, I needed to see him. And that now. I quickly got up and put on my jacket, getting ready to leave. Just when I was about to open the door, it did it itself, revealing Nathan on the other end. It was him- he was here and alive!! 

Nathan was just about to get into the van, when he spotted me standing in front of him in pure shock and very anxiously. Nathan's gaze was directed to the floor and I couldn't see his face, because of the hat he was wearing to keep his head warm. "Nathan! Oh my god, I'm so glad you are here! Are you ok?? What happened??" I asked, while Nathan pressed himself into the van, not looking at me. He sat down in his seating area, taking off his jacket, but not his hat and still looking down to the floor. 

"Uh yeah, I'm fine, nothing to worry about... w-why are you here?" he asked and I frowned. Did he not want me here? Did I invade his space? It was his van after all, but I though he wanted to meet me here. I was confused. Nathan still didn't look me in the eyes and I was starting to worry if it was because of our conversation and my little boner incident the other day and he finally regretted staying. But why would he have such a delayed reaction to something this spontaneous? No, that probably wasn't it, I mean he would at least be able to look at me then, right? 

"Nathan... whats wrong?" I asked and Nathan bit his bottom lip, I could see that much. He sighed, hanging his head low, so I couldn't even see the traces of his face anymore. 

"I-I really wished you wouldn't be here" he said and it stung. It really really stung. He wished I wasn't here. Did he mean the van or in general? He wished I wasn't there.... But even with these words, Nathan didn't look at me. Now I was beginning to get suspicious. Why wouldn't he just look at me? Did it pain him that much? Or was he afraid his eyes would reveal something he couldn't express in words? Or was he hiding something completely different? 

"Nathan. Please look at me" I said and now I heard faint sniffles. He was crying, my love was crying. I carefully approached him and Nathan quickly pulled his knees to his chest, hiding behind them. He was trembling, I could tell. I wanted to touch him, but if I was the reason why he was so upset, I didn't want to take the chance. "I-I can't... you will hate me" he breathed with a shaky voice. It broke my heart to see him like this. So afraid, so hurt and I didn't even know the reason behind it.