What We Want, What We Get (a boy x boy novel)

Chapter Twenty - "That is not what the damn pact was about."

New chapter is finally up. Hope you enjoy it!!

The last two weeks haven't been making sense, but at the exact same time, nothing could be more at peace. I've been feeling like the broken pieces of my brain that Craig shattered with his deceit and slutiness are being mended back together into something stronger. I've never been so at peace before, and the fact that it's still summer makes it even better.

Paul and I have been hooking up the last week and a half almost every day. Technically, by my logic, I am still a virgin. No penetration on either of our ends (no pun intended) has been happening, but there have been so many close calls. The day I dumped Craig I probably would have did it, but half way through I started crying about how much of a douche Craig was.

I told Brad, Jayna and Caroline about the initial hook-up, but after that it just became between me and the girls. Brad started acting weird after I told him, and to reduce the weirdness I just keep him out of it, although I don't like hiding important things from my close friends. At least not anymore.

I don't know what Paul and I are at the moment. I know for a fact that he still has feelings for me (I've fully accepted that he does), but I still don't know if I want him for real or if it's just lust talking. I want to like him for real, but I don't think I'm ready to date so soon. I literally just dumped my ex two weeks ago, there's a grieving period that needs to go on, even though he doesn't deserve anything I ever gave him.

It's Tuesday morning when I'm pondering all of this, since I took off work for the day to catch up on sleep. That was a fail, because little Bryce had a nightmare about something I was watching with Caroline on Saturday.

He said he could handle it (he's barely able to tie his shoes, let alone make life choices) and I didn't feel like turning it off for some cartoon, so I let him watch. He only screamed twice throughout the movie, while Caroline screamed every fifteen seconds, so I assumed she would be the demented one.

He wouldn't stop screaming, even when Steph went and rocked him back to sleep for the third time that night, and that normally does the trick. I love the little booger to death, but he was this close to death. That's how much I needed to sleep. Even through all that, I managed to get a decent amount of sleep. How much I got is remains to be seen. It's enough to get through the day without having to snap at anyone or something.

I go to the kitchen to go make some food for breakfast when I get a knock at the door. Huh. Who the hell could that be this early?

I walk over to the door and pull it open, forgetting that there are no clouds outside, but instead of the bright sun I'm met with shining blue eyes. The sun is definitely out, but in a way I can look at and hopefully keep my eyesight.

I do wonder why he's here so randomly, but at the same time I don't care that he came so early. He leans in to give me a kiss, but I remember I hadn't brushed my teeth yet and my breath probably smells like an old dragon who ate three year old Doritos.

I put my mouth over his mouth, in the most awkward way possible. I then cover my mouth and mumble, "I haven't brushed my teeth yet, hold on" and invite him inside while I run upstairs and literally change everything about myself. I put deodorant on, wash my mouth with toothpaste AND floss, and I hat floss so that's a big deal. Move my hair just a little bit so it looks like a tamed kind of bedhead look and put eye drops in my eyes to make them less druggy.

When I come back to the kitchen I see him by the oven making eggs and what smells like honey bacon. He doesn't know I'm there yet, so I'm just taking it all in. He's humming that new Sam Smith song with no shame and it's so cute. I sound like such a girl, but it's true. The natural lighting in the kitchen mixed with the sweet smells of food with an incredibly gorgeous boy randomly making food.