Namjoon FF - Winner

Genuinely Happy

I got up from where I was sitting just to lock eyes with him.

He's here..

I felt happy, almost relieved but there was one thing bothering me. A realization I made while he was gone. While I was stuck in the hospital. I reflected on myself.

"H-Hey."

"Can we talk?" He asked, he walked closer and I nodded my head.

We walked over to the couch and we sat down, I grabbed the pink book and kept it in my grip.

"I see you found it. I know you must be so confused, even I'm confused. One thing I can tell you is that never in a million years did I think I would have sneaked out of a hotel room, past all the securities and fans for one girl. The one girl that won my heart-"

I sat there listening to all he had to say, hearing him made me smile, it made me feel the same feeling I got when I first met him. When I first got to the show.

"I never thought I had to hide her, for her own safety. It's all so crazy now. You met me at a point where we weren't too big. We came out when my group was reaching the top. I loved you so so much because of your beautiful personality and not even just that, but for the way you treated others and how you treated me. You grew by my side, and so did I. After our last misunderstanding I thought we were getting there. I thought to myself that day before meeting you that I was doing the right thing-"

But...
There's a but in this sentence isn't there,
I felt my throat clog up and my eyes got warm. I felt like crying but I didn't. I knew I was strong, I just needed to show it. 

"But In that time I got a call from my management. I got called to the studio. I rushed over there counting the time so I wouldn't be late to meet you. Pd-nim specifically wanted to talk to me. We talked for a bit and the main point of his was to choose between you and the group. As much as I loved you I couldn't ruin the boys dream. I care for them too much to leave them like that so I answered. I chose them.."

I knew why he did, he's always had a good heart. He was amazing to the boys with guiding the younger ones down the right path. I just wish he could have told me.

"I went back to my place and grabbed the Book Jia helped draw. The day at the park.. she was helping me create this for you. All the ways to make you happy, laugh, what made you mad and much more was written in there. I think I wrote that whole book in a week-"
(Not that anyone cares but I got inspiration by Gravity Falls for the book. So basically it's just supposed to have drawings on the sides and writing in the middle of all the things. Just so you can picture it)

"I sat on the bench and I was going to wait for you and tell you everything but I had to leave in a emergency. I hoped you would get it. I hoped you would've found it and looked through it. I was shocked just now when I saw you had it. Thought someone would've taken it. Just so you know my "girlfriend" isn't really my girlfriend. I wouldn't do that to you. I had to date her, I signed a contract and no one could know it was fake. Not even the boys. When I had the chance to come back and see you I was so happy. Just to see you smile once more. I always told myself "just a few more nights", "I'll be there to see you". When I did it felt so different. You grew up independent. You did what you had to do. I couldn't tell you anything and that beat me up inside."

He finally finished, I saw where he was coming from. He was trying to protect his members, he had to be selfish. In the best way possible.

There was one thing I had to tell him though.. and that was my realization.

I sighed, "Namjoon.. the day I woke up, I looked at the book. I saw your writing. The day of the crash, I was going to see you and tell you everything to get answers. I felt touched that you even went to see me but then I realized... I became dependent of you. My life suddenly revolves around you. I couldn't be genuinely happy when you were not with me. It was so toxic. I needed to be my own person and do my own things. I needed to be able to care more about my own safety and well being instead of others. I still love you and that will never change but I reflected on my past and I need to do my own thing."

I looked over at him for a reaction. For something, anything. We both have grown into independent people but in reality my life revolves around him.

It sucked thinking that I was too busy thinking about him that my own health was at risk.

He sighed, "Hi, I'm Kim Namjoon nice to meet you." He smiled and shook my hand.

"W-What?" I looked at him confused.

"Let's start over, completely this time. No dating right away but more getting to know each other. We both have changed and we both need space. So let's talk, let's start at the talking phase."

I smiled at him,

"I like that idea, Hello, My name is Lee Y/n."

After a few seconds Halsey walked in with bags of food.

We both walked over to her and smiled helping her with the food.

We took all the food and started to catch up.

I don't think I've been this happy in so long, genuinely happy that is. We laughed and joked around.

I looked at the both of them and felt so relieved.

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To Be Continued

such a long chapter 😳, but the ending is near. Thank you so much for reading. 🥺💜

Also lowkey thought people needed to hear this because I knew I did. Don't depend on others and do your own thing just so you can show everyone that you can do it yourself. You're your own person. Don't let that one person take over your life completely and find a balance. 🙈