Secret life of Daniella

Chapter 10 Stages pt.1

Gloomy..sun just rising behind the clouds. The rain fall from yesterday creeped into the morning. I could only imagine the pain it must of been to let your own child go. Seeing them leave your hands. Not knowing what danger lurks around them..Not being able to kiss them goodnight...Or check up on them to make sure their asleep..waiting for them to come running to your room during a storm because their scared. My mother has been through so much and it's all my fault. If I were never born I wouldn't have caused all this pain for everyone. Cameron would know his parents. The people I love are in danger because of me. Middle of December up in the mountains the snow is thick. It's 1:38am and I'm fucking freezing. But instead I'm sitting on the edge of the stairs. Everyone's inside the hotel asleep. Running away won't solve anything. I'd be left with the guilt of hurting everyone. So I'll just sit here and torture myself in this cold weather. All I want to do is escape but I can't. I have to fix all this I have to be this this hero. [I start to cry] I'm no fucking hero I'm just a disappointment. Everyone is in danger because of me. If I just give Dean what he wants maybe everything will be okay. "Dani what are you doing it's freezing out here?" Jonah says. [ I wipe my tears] Jonah comes over and hugs me and I starts to cry more. "I can't promise you that everything will be okay because that's a lie but I can promise you that I will always be here for you I won't let anyone hurt you ..I don't want you to feel like your putting anyone in danger were all a part of this one way or another and were gonna stick together through it." [it was a day dream] Hmpf.. yeah I wish he really did come out here and say that. We all know that not even words can comfort me now. I just wish I was a kid again. In that stage where everything was just so innocent. So real and peaceful. -beep- -beep- what? what's that sound? [Jonah and Serenity talking in the background] "She's gonna be alright? Right?!" "Cameron take Serenity outside for a bit" Cameron and Serenity exit the room leaving Jonah alone with Dani. "You'd like Fiji right? think it'd be nice. You and me out there by the ocean. Maybe attempting to surf haha and doing terribly. Sipping on some tequilas while we relax in the sand. When the sun sets get out a blanket and lay it down. Watch as the sky goes from blue to orange pink and purple. Then the moon rises and we lay down. Watch the stars hoping a shooting star comes out. Then you'd make a wish and look back at me. I'd probably laugh and tease you for believing in shooting stars. But I'd tell you my wish anyways. You'd ask me and I'd say nothing because your all I ever wanted.I know that you think your putting us in danger but your not okay and you can't leave me now!...I promised you I would always protect you! And I've failed at that I couldn't protect you." [Jonah's head droops over the side of the bed and he starts to cry ] Jonah is taking it the hardest out of all of us. Waverly and Mikael are being strong because they know I would hate to see them crying. They've lost me so many times. They know I am going to make it like always. Aria and Isaac feel guilty as if they brought Nathaniel to me. Everyone's here but their separate at the same time. We all have different ways of grieving. Some of us cry,yell,blame themselves, drive away, shut out the world,deny it,sit in silence, wait for someone to wake them up and tell them it was all a dream. It's as if I've died but my hearts still beating. I've been in a coma for a month now. Theirs stale flowers next to me, deflated balloons sitting on the floor. The water in the pitchers warm and the ice is melted. The blinds in the room are closed. The only light on is the one above me. No one bothered to get me anything else because they all lost hope. Isn't it in times like this that your supposed to hold onto hope. That's what my mother always told she said when things get tough always have hope that you'll make it through. Why is everyone giving up on me then? I'll come back it's just taking a bit longer. Every time I twitch in my sleep. Everyone jumps to their feet waiting, hoping that I'll wake up. When we were escaping the house I was hurt. But during the car ride I didn't notice how much blood I was losing. Then I passed out and now here I am. So why am I dreaming of this snowy place. Where I'm awake yet no one else wants to check on me. To see if I'm okay or why I left. Is this what dying feels like, like the world abandoning you. I can hear the snow crunching behind me. I turn around and I see someone but their blurry. "He-Hello! Who are you?" "You have to fulfill whatever it is your thinking of doing" "How do you know what I'm going to do?" "Just know that If you don't he will kill you" "But I can't do it he'll hurt everyone I love" "Daniella you can do this I believe in you your stronger and smarter and braver than anyone I know you can do this!" The figure grabs my hands. "Now open your eyes and go get him!" The figure let's go and stars to walk away. "Wait! Wait don't go please don't leave me!" I said in a weak voice then I fell to my knees in the snow and cried in despair.