Ain't Nobody Like You

Chapter Forty-Seven

Going back on tour was the very last thing I wanted to do. But it turned out to be exactly what I needed. Keeping so busy has kept my mind off everything else- compartmentalizing just to be able to function.

In Philadelphia, Pink and I performed Don't Let Me Get Me. Unlike the last time we saw each other, we're now both single. Yay, us. I guess her and her on again off again boyfriend Carey are currently off. Instead of wallowing in that mutual misery, somehow she convinced me to get piercings with her that night. She wanted to get matching nipple piercings, but I wasn't as adventurous. I almost went with a tongue piercing but was too afraid of how that would effect my singing. So I got my belly button done and a couple more on my ears instead.

On the road again, Destiny's Child came on stage in Houston, singing a Survivor and Independent Women medley. I was excited they agreed. Years ago, before I made it big, I'd sing back up vocals for singers at a local lounge for extra cash. And though I know I didn't want to be in a musical group then, I missed harmonizing with other beautiful female voices and enjoyed the experience.

In Orlando, I sing Bent with Matchbox Twenty. Angie and her boyfriend Trey come for the show. I had previously told her everything already. The breakup. The miscarriage. We must have talked on the phone for countless hours while I was touring. Still, I cry all over again to her. 

In Seattle, I perform Everlong with the Foo Fighters. The stories Dave told me from his days in Nirvana were crazy and he was just about the nicest guy I've ever met.

In San Diego, I rock out with Blink 182 to First Date. Travis Barker gave me a drum lesson and so now I know how to play three instruments- piano, guitar, drums.

Out in LA, Dre and Snoop joined me, performing both Nuthin' But A G Thang and Still D.R.E.. They were nice enough not to mention the break up and after the show Snoop had his tattoo artist- Mister Cartoon- inking him up backstage. When he finished up with him, he asked if I wanted one since I was watching his work. And I don't know if it was because Dre and Snoop laughed at the idea. Or I had one too many post concert cocktails. Or that I remembered he did Marshall's tattoo's too. But I impulsively found myself in the chair, getting my own ink. 

Some girls get bangs after a breakup, I get a couple piercings and a small rose tattooed below my left breast as my way of recklessly coping. 

Nelly. Shakira. Shania Twain. Ludacris. Michelle Branch. Green Day. Janet Jackson. Usher. Alicia Keys. No Doubt. Britney Spears. LL Cool J. John Mayer. Outkast. And so, so many more. I was overwhelmed with the amount of people who wanted to join my stage and give back to the fans. And I had to thank my label and friends, for connecting me with so many artists to bring this idea of mine to life.

The weeks go by, show after show, and every second I spend fighting the urge to run back to Michigan. To him. I feel miserable and desperate and completely out of my mind. I keep thinking that we made a huge mistake giving up so fast and I just want him back.

But I need to respect his decision. I need to let the idea that we'll get back together go and accept we've really gone our separate ways. 

Marshall and I...we haven't even spoken much since that night. We left things off on a good note between us at least, but we need space before we can get back to the talking phase again. Both of us want to be a part of each other's life still. But need time to heal the wound of this break up first. And this can give us a chance to focus on ourselves and figure out life without each other or whatever.

Not only am I dealing with my breakup with Marshall, but heartbroken over the relationship I've lost with the girls too.

I had asked Marshall if he wanted me to tell the girls about the breakup with him, knowing it was important- knowing I owed them that much. But he told me he'd handle it. I wish I pushed more. I didn't get a chance to give them a proper goodbye. Just the one for tour, with the idea I was coming back when it was done. Still, I sent the girls postcards from every state I went. Holidays and birthdays, I sent gifts. Lannie calls sometimes, chatting about school and such, both of us missing each other. But Hailie...Maybe she needs time and space right now too.