Deal With Chaos #ProjectNigeria

Chapter 61

Sometimes, time moves at a slow pace.
Sometimes, time moves as if in a race.

Today time was at a stand still.

Today time seemed understanding.

Like it understood that I needed desperately this moment of reprieve.

I stood outside the rather large mansion and remembered the last time I was here.
Just after our house's football team had won the competition.
When everything was on the edge of unfolding.
On the edge of crumbling.

Oh God it felt like such a long time ago.

Now here I was, standing outside of his house.
Someone that whether or liked it or not had become a huge part of my life.

Someone that was now dead.

Death.

It was something I had no idea how to deal with.
Never really experienced it.
So I never really understood it.

I looked at the painfully grey skies, and felt my eyes blur once more.
Why?
Why did he do it?

Those words kept ringing in my head.
Kept haunting me.
Kept worrying me.

That maybe, this was the expected end of me as well.
Will the depression finally crush me as well?
Will the dark whispers at the corners of my mind finally push me into nothing?

What if I do it as well?

I looked around at studied all the people gathered here, mournful and solemn.
I wondered how many people here , actually knew him and actually understood him.

Could the one person he hated, be one of the very few people who ever knew him?

How ironic was that?

What right did I even have to be here?
I spent most of the time at odds at him.
I spent most of the time disliking him.

But here I was, grieving..Oh God I grieved for Samuel's death.
So much that my heart, felt like it was screaming with it.

I remembered the first time he spoke to me, with a quick grin asking me to tutor me.
And now...we were mourning him.

I put my hands on my face to hide the tears that were rushing down.
I couldn't be strong anymore.
I didn't know how.
This was all too much.
I felt like if I endured one more push, I was going to disintegrate into nothing.

"Kayla."
I dropped my hand to see Nessa in front of me, a small sad smile on her face.

We had just come back from the funeral, and we were now at his fathers house, for a little gathering with him and his friends.
A bunch of students were also here.
For some reason I couldn't join them under the fancy canopies, didn't want to.
Instead I stood on the periphery and watched my parents hoping that I'd get the signal for us to leave this miserable place soon.

I watched Nessa take in my state,and she reached out and gave my hand a comforting squeeze.

"Hey let's leave the adults here, why don't we go upstairs in the lounge, our mates are all there." Nessa said encouragingly.

Nodding, I followed her into the house after telling my parents where I would be.
With my hand clasped in Nessa's , I wondered at the absurdity of everything.