Summary | He was a man who had wanted too much, and you were a woman who had lost so much. Once the wounds from the past come in the way for you to embrace your future with the man you love, the option for a new beginning comes in the form of erasin...
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Months had passed since it happened, since the night you walked away. Yet things have yet to change to be any better for him.
He has no clue how to handle this. To handle the pain of losing you and the fact that you had chosen to erase him from your memories. On purpose.
While he had questioned your decision at first, he couldn't help but try to understand the reason behind your choices. Perhaps he had been selfish enough to think that everything was doing okay, to overlook the fact that no matter what he had done to try and heal you and make it all seem better, there was nothing he could have done to fix the past. And he was selfish enough to think that as long as he could show you how much he loved you, as long as he could spoil you rotten and make you feel like you were living in a glorious and painless dream, then you would have been alright. That every smile you gave him was a sign that you were happy, that he had made you happy.
He should have known that you could never be truly happy as long as you were haunted by the shadow of your past.
Yet it would never be easy for him to accept the fact that in order for you to erase that shadow, you had no choice but to erase him as well.
Looking out his apartment's window, Hoseok clutches a glass of bourbon tightly in his hand.
He was never much of a drunk. As a matter of fact, he hated being one or to even think that he should rely on alcohol whenever things get tough. But alcohol has been the only thing strong enough to take control of his mind and take away his sorrow that it has become his only escape and his remedy to fill his hollow heart.
In this height, he could only see the bright lights flashing in various colours from the city, the sounds coming from the world outside has been dulled by the concrete walls and the wall-to-wall windows, allowing him to listen to the voices inside his mind more clearly.
It is now almost midnight and the city is still thriving. Meanwhile, nothing could stop his world from slowly dying. He has been throwing himself into his work to get through all the sorrow, to fill the emptiness that he feels.
To be able to forget.
But none of it ever helps, for each time he comes home at night, back to this place, his memory of you will still linger. You may have erased every part of you from this apartment, yet you will always be there in his mind, for his memory of you and everything that you had shared together remains just as strong as the love he still feels for you.
Turning away from the window, Hoseok takes a look around at the spacious living room.
The soft ivory coloured leather sectional sofa that has taken over the room was chosen because you loved them, along with all the wooden furnitures which compliment the whole set. He recalls how he had chosen this apartment together with you even before you finally moved in. He remembers how you had spent hours and hours collecting pictures from Pinterest and other reference websites to decide how you were going to decorate every single room to make it feel more like home.
But now, no matter how picturesque his whole apartment looks, it certainly no longer feels like home without you in it.
He had wanted all of this. The big city life, a good job with good pay that he could save up with, a fancy apartment right at the heart of the city, a successful life for a brighter future.
The only thing that has been making it even more worthwhile was the fact that he had always had you beside him, you were his inspiration and the biggest motivation he ever had for him fight his hardest to build this life, to gain everything he has today. None of this would ever be possible if it wasn't for you.
Hoseok shuts his eyes. He cannot even remember what his life was like before he met you. How much he had fallen for you so quickly since the first time he laid his eyes on you.
It was at that night when he began believing fate for the first time, and when he felt like it none of the choices he has ever made could go wrong. He remembers finding you through the crowd, admiring your beauty while lights were dancing around you, as if they were simply there to help him find you. He remembers how he had stolen you away the night he met you, the first of the many times he would continue to steal and sweep you off of your feet years after.
You had called it an instant attraction whenever you reminisced the first time you met him, and it had always made him happy to know that he was not the only one who was instantly falling so deep and feeling like everything was coming into place when it happened. Because you had shared the same exact feeling.
From that night on, you had made his life so much better. He had loved how easy life had been thanks to you. It was the way you had always looked at life with a positive light, to be able to deal with any kind of ordeal with spontaneity, while continue to have a heart which was big enough for you to care about everyone around you. Your big heart was the sole reason which had made him love you the most.
Unfortunately, it was also the part of you which had made him lose you in the end.
Life was perfect when you were in it. Everything had been perfect. You had somehow become a huge part of his life and now he feels as if he has lost his purpose, that he had lost his reason to continue on with everything he has now.
Things had been going on so smoothly in his life together with you then, so good that neither you or Hoseok was ready when the past came barreling into your life and put everything into a halt. Things had happened before you ever had a chance to continue on with everything you had planned together for the future.
Hoseok takes a deep, shaky breath and takes a drink to smooth the ache inside his chest away. He wants nothing more but to embrace every memory he has of you no matter how much it hurts, but he refuses to dwell into the part which hurts the most. The part where the dark past showed itself right when neither of you was prepared.
Nobody could ever prepare for it, he realises, cursing at fate for playing with his life and tearing his heart apart for his choices.
Chugging the rest of his drink, Hoseok grabbed the remote control and switched the TV on, feeling suffocated from the deafening silence. The midnight news was about to come on and he let the volume on to fill the entire room as he turns back to face the window after refilling his glass.
The sound from the TV soon becomes nothing but white noise in the background as Hoseok is once again lost in his thoughts. This is what he does at night before he would let himself drift away into his dreamless sleep. He would replay every single conversation you have made with him, every single promise, every single dream you shared with him, all while picturing that you were still there with him.
Suddenly, a familiar tune comes out from the TV, snapping Hoseok right out of his stupor. His grip on the glass tightens as he slowly turns to the TV, watching sideways with a glare as the commercial runs on the screen—
"—have the desire to move on from past trauma, an incurable phobia, or a terrible loss? Specialists, experts, and neurologists have gathered to find the perfect cure which will allow you to see the future with a brighter light and an easier way to leave the past behind you. Introducing you our latest creation, the Ventura project, where our specialists will take away selective, undesirable memories, and open up a way for you to create new memories for the future. Head on now to our lab for your first free consultation with our experts and experience our treatment first hand.
