I'm scared to look at Monty. So I just stare at the ground. I feel him playing with my fingers but he is not saying anything. This makes me more nerves. He doesn't know this part of me. Not at all.
I told him everything single thing Hannah said on that tape. I feel his hand on my cheek and he tilts my head upwards with his finger. I slowly lift my eyes to meet his. They are a soft brown. With no judgement.
"You thought I would hate you for that ?" I look down again but he lifts my chin up. Question marks are visible in his eyes. "I'm so sorry babe. I didn't tell you earlier because I didn't want to lose you. So I would totally get it if you hate me now."
Tears slowly starts to drop down. Some of them onto his hand that is still placed on my cheek. He pulls me closer to him. Puts his lips softly on mine and I don't let a second go by before I kiss back. "Babygirl, I don't hate you. I could never hate you. Damn I fell hard for you. What you did is nothing compared to the shit I have done and you still stayed with me. You don't have to blame yourself for her killing herself."
The relief that washes over my body is like a enormous wave that broke over the shore. I throw my arms around his neck and bury my face in his neck. Soft sobs escapes my lips. He strokes my back softly and just comforts me. Kissing my head or cheek often.
"I love you." Those three words have never meant anything more to me than in that moment. I pull away and look at him. Put my forehead against his and settle on his lap with my legs wrapped around his waist. Both my hands on his face. "I love you too, so fucking much." With that I gave him a kiss. Packed with love and affection.
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