taste // billie eilish

twenty three

harpers pov

"hey mom" i choke out breaking the awkward silence that was in the room. 

she looks at me than glances at my dad with sad eyes that quickly fill with anger.

"you're pathetic mark. you know that? pathetic. i hope you realize how bad of an influence you are. your kids having to drag your ass to the hospital. it's pathetic and i'm done with you. i have put up with your shit for way to long just for you to fuck up again. i hope you get better i really do, but i'm taking the kids and we are leaving." she says making sure not to raise her voice but i could tell she wanted to.

i was waiting for my dad to respond but he didn't. instead he just looked at my mom with sorry eyes.

"let's go harper" my mom says as i shoot my dad one last look before following her out of the door.

it was 5:00 am. i haven't gotten any sleep. i was exhausted but my mind had to many things on it to let me sleep.

the car ride home was filled with silence. me and my mom didn't speak a word to each other. i wasn't mad at her, i mean she was right. it was just hard to be mad at my dad when my mom has always been a bitch to him. nonetheless to me and mac to.

"we will talk about this tomorrow, i need to sleep" are the only words that comes out of my moms mouth as she walks up to her room.

i sigh knowing i won't be sleeping and decide to make myself some coffee.

i head up to my room changing out of the clothes i was still wearing from the party. i throw on a sweatshirt and sweatpants and tie my hair up in a messy bun.

i put my dead phone on the charger before stepping out of my window and onto my roof wirh my coffee in one hand and note book in the other.

when my dad does some stupid shit, or if my mom is around i tend to write.

sometimes i write poems, letters, a sentence, songs, it doesn't really matter. it just helps me relax a little.

so dad messed up again, except pretty bad this time. i don't think we are going to be able to get out of this one. mom isn't happy. i think she's really going to take me and mac. i'm not to worried about myself though, it's summer in 4 weeks. than i'm off to i don't know? college? without my dad working, we arnt going to have his income, which you know, was going to help me out and pretty much set me up for life after high school. now the money is going to be spent on attorneys, medical fees, fines, rehab if he actually decides to go, retirement for himself, and however much it might be to bail himself out. i'm really fucking stressed right now. i'm sorry mac. i'm going to be living on my own soon if it's in college or not. but mac i'm sorry. i wish i could do something.

i sigh and close the notebook before heading back into my room. i see my phone light up but don't bother to check it as i roll a blunt on my desk to smoke.

i spend the next hours smoking, writing, and staring at my ceiling while listening to music trying to clear my mind even if it's only for a seconded. but i can't seem to wrap my head around it all.

i look at my phone for the first time since i got back from the hospital to check the time which read 10:00 am.

i also see the tons of text messages from zoe, drew, kaitlyn, billie, and devin. i don't bother looking at any of them.