taste // billie eilish

thirty two

tw // heavy suicide mention
please remeber suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. things do get better even if you can't imagine it, they do. suicide doesn't end pain, it passes it on to someone else. if you ever feel this way please talk to someone, family, friends, suicide hotline, or even message me. love u all. take care of yourselves <3.

~

harpers pov

dear family, or whoever is reading this.

i'm sorry. living life right now is like living in a bubble. i don't think it's worth it anymore. i cant stand living like this. these last two months have been the worst. there is no good to look forward too, very little past to look on, i lost everything i had. i'm drained, exhausted everyday. i think i'll be much happier. thank you mom, i know we were never close but at the end of the day you are still my mom, no matter the arguments, the endless fights, i still love you even if i didn't show that. and dad, i'm so sorry. but you want the best for me, and this is it. i'll be happier this way. i love you more than you can imagine. thank you for everything. i would have not been where i am today if it wasn't for you. and mac, i love you more than anything. i know you are gonna grow up and be some billionaire living in fiji like you joked. i would love to look down and see you and your family  on some yacht.

please don't be sad, i don't want that. it's nothing any of you could have fixed, it's nothing any of you did. no words would have changed my mind. so don't feel like any of you could have prevented it. i love you and i'll see you guys one day. and billie, if for some reason you are seeing this. thank you. you made me the happiest girl in the world. please go fucking rule the world, show everyone how talented you are. win some grammys, than win a couple more. you better thank my ass in that speech for i love you and ilomilo. love you forever bil.
but now i cant swim any longer,
i cant hold my breath,
the waves are slowly pulling me under,
and i think i'll let them.

be happy
-harper

++

so, do i keep the book going or end it here? i originally planned to end it like this but u guys tell me.