Cursed Fate

Chapter 44- can I open up again?

(Y/N) POV:

When Gyeomie pulls up outside my home, there's a tense silence, I unfasten the seatbelt and make a move to reach for the door handle, ready to step out and face the music.

"I can explain if you don't want to (Y/N)-ah." He offers, the words hang heavily between us. It would be so easy to say yes, so easy to allow him to help me, to do the talking for me. But I don't want to become reliant, reliant on his help, on their help. They've helped me get to where I am today but there's some things that I have to do myself. And I don't tell him that I'm not planning of opening that part of me up. That I can't yet bear to.

"It's okay Gyeomie, thanks anyways." I turn to peck his cheek, smile at him before sliding out of the car and slowly making my way to the door. I hover outside, dithering, I know I'm trying to stall, stall for as long as I can. I straighten my shoulders and slide the key in, opening the door. I take several deep breaths before entering, it feels like I'm entering a battlefield. I just hope that the mask I'm holding up doesn't shatter, that one kind word or look won't send me crumbling in their arms.

Entering is a feat which sends my heart racing, I wince when my shoes clatter noisily against the ground, the clacking of heels ringing in my ears, pray for my breaths to remain calm and measured. I know Yoongi oppa is highly attuned to sound, and I will do my best not to allow my body to betray me. I force on a layer of calm, will my face into its usual relaxed countenance, I will NOT be the reason my soulmates are always fretting, is it so hard for them to be happy because of me?

I plaster on a wide smile across my face, let the stiffness from my shoulders melt away, push myself to adopt a more at ease demeanour before I sweep into the room.

"Good morning" I trill, internally wincing at the sheer enthusiasm I force into my words.

They turn, they look like they've just gotten up not too long ago. They're still on the floor but when I enter their heads spin to face me before I spot a noticeable shift in their body language.

"Still half asleep my babies?" I coo, this time it's genuine, the fondness creeping into my tone automatically when I look at their adorably ruffled states.

They smile at me and I turn to Joonie oppa, see the silent question in his eyes and smile back, nodding slightly. His smile becomes brighter, he's relieved. It loosens a coil inside me that I didn't realise had bound itself around me in a tight squeeze, it makes breathing a fraction easier.

I watch as they get up, slowly dragging themselves out of the living room so they can wash up and eat.

"Go ahead boys, I'll sort the living room out." I offer, I've already eaten. Well stomached a few mouthfuls and pushed them down with water.

I get to work piling up the pillows, rearranging the cushions back onto the couches. Folding up sheet after sheet and the seemingly endless pile of blankets. I get so engrossed into fixing it all up that I don't realise someone has stepped back into the room, don't realise it until a body is spooning mine from behind, arms that slowly bundle me backwards into a warm solid chest.

I twist slightly to see Jiminie staring at me, he smiles when our eyes meet.

"You look great in a suit (Y/N)-ah. But if something's wrong, you'll come to us, right?" he mumbles, the compliment quickly being followed by his concern and worry.

I smile up at him, tilt my head upwards to brush my lips against his in a quick kiss.

"I will Jiminie. If I need help, I know you're always here." I whisper. And whilst I know it's true, I wonder how long I can go about telling myself that I don't need the help at all. When really all I want is someone to reach out and stop me from drowning.