Cursed Fate

Chapter 81- fragile souls but strong love

(Y/N) POV:

It's hard pretending I'm fine when it's clear to me that I'm not. Clear to anyone who really sees.

There's a noticeable gentleness with the way the company employees interact with me today; maybe it has something to do with the way that I'd walked in with my shoulders drooping. Or maybe with the way the pile of tissues keep growing when I burst into tears when I dwell on last night again- the moments of quiet just causing the hurt and pain to well up and overflow- a wound that once again gapes.

And it doesn't help that the eyes that linger on me are sympathetic, wary and hesitant to push further- the creative department team not pushing and challenging and examining every fine detail with their usual fierce passion- it's muted slightly.

It's as if everyone is tiptoeing on eggshells- scared for that perhaps inevitable moment when their feet land heavily and crush them- or perhaps aptly; when the bottled up emotions explode.

And it's after another round of tears that soak miserably and quickly through a wad of tissues that my editor finally snaps.

She slams the clipboard she's holding of the tasks yet to be completed onto the glass table and huffs.

"That's the fifth time I've caught you crying now. Do I need to go over and deal with this myself? Or call Jaebum?" She says, voice firm and brooking no argument.

My eyes stare wetly at my miserable reflection and sniffle.

"No-one, I'm just being super emotional." I say but then she clicks her tongue.

"What happened to add to the god-awful day you already had yesterday?" She asks, empathy in her voice.

And the question makes the memories of last night flash back up- and so does the image of the untouched doughnut box I had seen lying morosely on the fridge shelf.

Kookie hadn't eaten any. It feels like a silent but blatant gesture of his hurt- that he didn't want anything I bought him.
And the thought stabs deeper than I thought- wedging itself like a knife buried to the hilt.

I had hoped that his anger hadn't been so much that he would've not eaten- it just added to the jumbled mess of emotions that were sitting heavily at the bottom of my heart.

The bond felt like a leaden dead weight too- clouded with my emotions and a mix that I couldn't decipher where they were coming from.

My editor sets down a bottle of chocolate milk down, smiling sadly at me.

"Cheer up, I'm sure everything will work out.  Your soulmates would do anything for you." She consoles me, and it brings me little hope- but I clutch desperately at it nonetheless.

I hope she's right. I hope it with everything that I am.

KOOK POV:

The guilt gnaws at me even more from the moment she stepped out the door, becomes the only thing occupying my mind until I can't even focus on the chores I've been trying to get done. It's only when a sharp pain blossoms along my palm that I pull my hand out of the sink, red blood blooming as it wells up and stains my hand. I eye the knife I'd accidentally grabbed too hard with disdain- as if it's personally attacked me. But the sting in my hand doesn't even begin to compare to the aching gaping hole in my heart.

I glance at the afternoon sun and turn off the water, scooping my palm up to go run under cold water in the bathroom. Jin hyung enters just as I'm turning the tap off and incidentally catches me with my right hand cradled towards my chest.

Alarm flares in his eyes and he hurries forward, pushing me down to sit on the edge of the bathtub as he gets the first-aid kit out from under the sink and tends to the cut, dabbing antiseptic on it. His hands are gentle and eyes caring and soft and it's not the pain in my hand but the weary grief of my soul that makes me burst into tears for yet another time today.