My Eyes Adore You

See, I'm Broken

Content warning
this chapter contains sensitive content that may trigger readers. Please skip this chapter if you're sensitive to the following:
-Abuse
-Sexual Assault
-Self harm
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Chris looks at you in confusion.
"What is going on?"
"Remember when I told you I was broken but I wasn't ready to tell you?"
"Yeah? And?" He says rubbing your hands.
"Well being here with you, I- I just feel like you need to know before this goes further than it has."
"You don't-"
"Yes I do Chris." You interrupt him.
"Okay." He says settling his face.

"So when I was 8 my dad would come home drunk every night, and I watched him beat my mom. Not every night, just the bad nights. But one night he brought his friend home with him. His friend seemed really nice at first but then he came and "hid" with me in my room. I don't remember too much of exactly what happened I just remember him hiding under the blanket with me and him touching me. He told me if I wasn't quiet he was going to tell my dad and he would get angrier and my mom would hurt more. So I stayed as quiet as I could even though he was hurting me. I didn't tell anybody until almost 9 years later when it happened again, but this time it was by somebody I trusted, somebody I loved. He was my boyfriend at the time, actually technically he was my fiancé, yes I was engaged at 17. Stupid."

You glance up at Chris and notice the look of sadness he held on his face. You look back down and continue.

"Anyways, we were out drinking one night with some friends and he wanted to go home, when I said I didn't want to leave yet he grabbed me by my arm and drug me to the vehicle. When I got buckled up and he took off he was driving all over the road and I asked him to slow down. He looked me in my eyes and I remember feeling chills run through my body, he told me that I was his, and only his, and he would do as he pleased with me. I knew right then that when we got back to his place things weren't going to end well. We walked inside and he grabbed me by my hair and threw me to the ground. He got on top of me and slapped my face. When I begged him to stop he covered my mouth with one hand and pulled my shirt over my head with the other. I fought, I fought all I could but he was too strong. When he got all of my clothes off he wrapped his hand around my throat and told me if I made a sound he would hit me again. I begged him not to do it and he hit me again, and again, and again. I remember after he hit my side it got hard to breath and all I wanted to do was cry. That night was the second time I was raped."

You feel the tears flowing from your eyes as you try to compose yourself to finish.

"I went to the hospital the next day, actually Ali is the one who brought me. They did the rape kit and took my story. When they examined my body they found when he hit me he actually fractured two of my ribs. I went back home after the hospital to find my mom in handcuffs and my dads body covered on the floor. They only thing she said to me when she saw me was "he deserved it." And then I watched as the cops took my mom away. After jumping through hoops of the legal system I moved in with Ali. She was 18, had an apartment, I already had a job and a car, and was only a few months shy of 18 so I started my adult life. I ran into my ex a few months after that and all I could do is freeze where I was. We were still awaiting a trial date."

You glance up at Chris and notice he has tears running down his face. You quickly look away before you completely lose it.

"After I saw him the day of the trial and found out he was going to get away with what he did I couldn't take it anymore. I went home, grabbed my prescription bottle and locked myself in the bathroom. I took the rest of the bottle and swallowed them. I don't remember much after that, I was in and out. I remember hearing Ali at the door begging me to open it. Then I remember being in the ambulance and them putting the bag on my face to manually force me to breath. Then I remember hearing doctors and people talking. And then the tube going into my mouth. Then I don't remember anything until after I woke up and everything was over. Next thing I know the doctors are referring me to a mental institution and Ali was fighting them on it. They settled with outpatient group therapy after an evaluation with a psychiatrist. I did that for two weeks, all day everyday except Sunday's. And after that Ali has been super protective of me and pretty much my mom. I've been dealing with my depression and PTSD with minimal help from medication. I only take something on the bad days but I'm getting better. Slowly. And then you came into my life. And I'm scared my past is going to keep me from- Well I guess keep me from loving you the way you should be loved. And you deserve better than that."

When you finish there's a few minutes of silence. The only sound in the room is sniffling. You wipe your eyes and look at Chris, he does the same.

He looks at you with soft eyes and asks, "is that why you're so jumpy when people touch you?"
"Yeah." You tell him.
"I'm so sorry- If I would have-"
"Don't. Please don't be sorry. I'm learning to trust again. And honestly you have helped me immensely."
He cracks a small smile.
"You never would know all the shit you've gone through just by looking at you." He says cupping your face. "You are so strong. And I would never, NEVER do anything to hurt you like that." He says.
"I know, I trust you. I'm comfortable with you. Just please- Don't treat me differently now that you know."
"I won't, I mean I might ask before taking things further, but that's just out of pure respect."
You lean forward and kiss him gently. And the words flow out like you've said them a million times before.
"I love you."