PAIN

8

             I woke up as I usually did. In tears. Today was the burial and I was already dreading it. I haven't even written what  I wanted to say. My mind was a blank page.

             I hopped into the shower because I wanted to feel the cold more. I didn't deserve warmth when I know the reason he's dead is because of me.

              I finished my bath, applied lip gloss only because I saw no point in applying mascara or foundation for it to be washed away by tears. Wearing all black, black camisole, black jeans, leather jacket and combat boots, I was ready to go.
 
              I skipped breakfast and made my way over to Mrs Grey's home. I saw I wasn't the only one who decided to wear black all through as Mitchy and Mrs Grey had the same idea. What didn't surprise me was that Mrs Grey knew I had skipped breakfast and forced me to eat. After she was satisfied, we left for the chapel where the event was holding before we got to the place where his casket will be buried.

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           As we arrived at the chapel, so many people stopped us to pass their condolences. Mrs Grey was putting up a strong front for all of them but I knew better and that's why I gave her hand a tight squeeze as a sign thay she wasn't alone. She turned to me and gave me a small smile that reached her eyes and showed the sadness swirling in them.

             Immediately we were settled, the service began. The pastor started with a prayer, then opening remark before spoken words. Mitchy was the first to go up to talk about Cole, but as soon as she got to the stage she started crying and the only thing she could mutter was "I love you, Cole". Then she broke down completely and managed to find her way to her seat. Mrs Grey was up next bur she couldn't find it in her to stand up. She kept on looking at his casket like she was in doubt and in her mind that he was only sleeping and would wake up soon. It was my turn. That point of the funeral I've been dreading. I walked up to the mic, cleared my throat and began a speech I didn't even know was in me.

        "Who was Cole?  He was a guy, crazy, funny, stupid, idiotic, careless, forgetful, oh did I say he was stupid already". At that the whole auditorium laughed but I couldn't, I only shared a sad smile. "Apart from all those things, he was a good best friend, a crazy giver, an intense lover of family, the most caring person I could think of. He's someone who deserved nothing but the best handed to him. Cole was..... He was a kind soul. People say girls have kind hearts but looking at Cole, I can put that saying to shame. He's what we call eccentric but only around the ones that matter. I remember one time when we we're maybe nine or ten years, I fell and scraped my knee but we later found it to be a big gash on my knee. Cole removed his shirt and tied it around my knee and backed me all the way to my house. He didn't leave the hospital when I was admitted. Cole and Mitchy were beside me through it all and made me laugh when the surgery was going on. Even if it hurt like hell, Cole held my hand and said you can do it and when the surgery is all done am gonna get you  ice  cream. I think one of the reasons Cole,  Mitchy and I became friends was because we all had colors as our surnames. Mine is White, Mitchy's Black and Cole's Grey. Cole was a son, a best friend to two people he called his two favorite girlfriends, a brother to Mitchy and I, a future godfather and best of all he was a part of each of our lives. He made life all better. Cole and Mitchy have always been there for me through everything. Through my attempted suicide, they we're there. I'll always have Mitchy but he'll always have a place in my heart always. So with that I want to say I love you Coleeey, I always have and always will. Goodbye Cole Charles Grey, I'm going to miss yoi alot. Say hi to my mom and dad for me will you.

          When I finished, I didn't know I had been crying through out until something wet dropped on the podium in front of me. I muttered a thank you and walked back to my seat. Mrs Grey engulfed me in a tight hug and Mitchy joined the hug and like that we cried.

            We left the chapel some minutes later when the pastor had offered a closing prayer.

              At the cemetery, as Cole's black casket was lowered I felt another part of me going down with him as one part went down with myaprents when they were buried. We all dropped white lilies on Cole's grave as it was he's favorite flowers. On his gravestone was written, Cole Charles Grey, 1990-2009. We love you.

           I left the cemetery with one thought in mind, I will avenge you

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Hey that brings a close to chapter 8. Hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to cry, I won't judge.
Tjex loves you 😘😘.