UNEXPECTED | lkr

THIRTY-ONE

The following day, all I could think about was what happened yesterday. I wasn't allowed to say it to the other trainees, so all I had no choice but keep quiet. It was honestly ripping me apart.

I couldn't stop thinking about it. Am I going to be out of the show? People would hate and despise me for this. Realizing that, I felt my heart drop. Tears brimmed my eyes as I covered my face, trying not to look like something was bothering me.

I'm ruining my own life.

But I guess I'm fine with it... As long as Keran is safe.

Tears continuously flowed down my eyes, as I think about all the things that'll happen to me. I'll have to enjoy the remaining days I'll be here for. I wipe the tears off my face, though it wasn't really helpful.

"What did my past self do for this to happen to me?" I bitterly laugh as I look up to the sky, noticing how the sun was slowly going down.

I've been sitting by the corner of the balcony for hours, contemplating whether I should continue living or not. Joking or not, it's honestly a hard choice.

Sometimes I just wanna disappear from the face of the earth, as if I never existed. But thinking about it, what would happen if I never existed. Would Keran be the way she is right now? Would she be happier? Depressed? I don't know.

I'm just a fucking disappointment.

"At least I have you, right?" I mumbled, raising my hand up against the sky, my eyes moving to the ring I had on finger. I slightly smiled at the thought of her and the fact that she's probably happier than me as of the moment. I'm just glad that she's happy.

I wiped off my tears for the nth time, before hesitantly standing up after sulking for hours. "I should see them with a smile on my face," I put on my best smile as I leave the balcony.

《》

"The results will be released, right?" Yuxin asks as I slowly nodded, being indirectly reminded of the incident. "When?" I ask, obviously not present when the staff mentioned it.

"Where were you? Everyone knows when." I pursed my lips, fiddling with the hem of my shirt. "I really don't know." I reply, as she sighs.

"You're not okay, are you?" I flinched at her words, knowing how she knows me really well. "Just disappointed." I bluntly reply, trying to cover it up with a lie. It seemed to work, she believed that I was just upset with the results.

"It's not the only time you can show yourself." Yuxin smiles, ruffling my hair to cheer me up.

"Yeah I know but isn't it humiliating though? I became a center during The Eve, even during the theme song evaluation, and also was the center this performance." I blurted out as I let out a sigh.

Yuxin halted to a stop, making me stop as well. She faced me, a serious look on her face.

"I don't have a say to what you feel because I haven't been in your position but you need to consider why people chose you as a center. It's because you deserve it,"

My breathe gets stuck in my throat as she continues on telling me why I'm worthy as what I am.

"Others may not see it but I definitely do, we definitely do." The corner of my lips tug up to a genuine smile. "I honestly don't know if I'll survive in this world without you, Yuxin..." I shallowly laugh, as she smiles, proud that she had made me smile.

As much as she made me rethink about my abilities, the fact that the article was existing as of the moment was honestly unsettling me.

"We better get going," Yuxin comments, as I quietly trail behind her.

《》

Reaching the hall, I reluctantly separate with Yuxin, meeting up with my groupmates who were located at the very back.

"Hey, you're kinda late today." Theia comments as I sigh, flopping down on the only available seat, which was ~unfortunately~ besides her.

"I know."

I felt exhausted, probably because of the very little amount of sleep I had. I wasted all my energy crying and thinking about things. I only ended up sleeping for thirty minutes, since I also couldn't sleep.

"Why so grumpy?" She asks, as I mentally groaned, feeling so tired. "I'd like to know that as well." I blurted out, too lazy to respond properly.

My eyes traveled to where Keran is sitting, seeing her get bored and play with Vicky. A little smile formed on my face. At least she's happy and not troubled.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, to which Theia heard. "For what?" She asks again, curious as to what my apology was for. "I just am." I reply, suddenly feeling the urge to fall asleep.

"Mentor Kun is here." I blinked a few times as I stood up to greet him, holding the seat in front of me for support. I shake my head, trying to keep myself
awake.

I sat back down, immediately spacing out as Mentor Kun speaks. Then a thought came across my head as I spaced out. Would it be better to make our relationship public? Thinking about it, it seemed like a great idea. We wouldn't have to be cautious. And knowing the trainees, they'll be nice about it.

I didn't notice the time fly so fast, and the results announcement was already done. "You okay?" Theia asks, waving her hand in front of my face.

I blink a few times before slowly nodding. "Yeah.."

Seeing Keran stand up from her seat with Keyin, I sped up my pace to catch up with her. I haven't talked to her yet this day, so I decided to change that now. I felt extremely exhausted but it wasn't stopping me from catching up with my girlfriend.

"Hey," I breathed out as she glanced at me, flinching as we met eyes. Yuxin eyes her, as she approached us. "Can I talk to Keyin?" Yuxin asks as Keran slowly nods, the mentioned girl getting pulled away by Yuxin.

I was left with Keran, who seemed off. As we walked together, we were just stuck in silence.

"Can I talk to you about something?" Keran suddenly asks amidst the silence as faced me.

《》

a/n

im extremely sorry for not updating for two days!! i was in a very very bad state and i couldn't write properly:(( my writing now also seems kinda bad so i apologize for that! i'll try my best to give you all the best chapters yall deserve!