Help (Dramione)

Pain

Hermione woke the next morning with that good feeling lingering in her chest. But there was still a darkness to it. She sat in bed for a while and tried to recapture the emotions she had felt the night before, tried to keep them from fading away. Hermione thought about how her friends had laughed and how good it felt to finally laugh with them after a few months of not being able to truly join in. Despite her best efforts, the feelings faded away. Not just the happy ones. All of them. She didn't feel anything. She had felt this before but this time it seemed more intense. The young witch felt herself zoning in and out of reality. She wished she could stay out for a while. Her trance like state was interrupted by a pain in her stomach she hadn't felt in a long time. She tried to remember when she had eaten last but couldn't seem to come to any conclusion. A day? Two? She had no idea. All she knew was she felt sick. 

"Hermione get up! We need to go to breakfast" she heard a familiar voice half shout at her, as if Ginny knew what she was thinking. Hermione slowly made her way out of bed. It took her a few minutes to finally stand up. The pain in her stomach intensified and spread through her limbs as she stood still, waiting for the strength to put her uniform on and get ready for the day. She was grateful her friend was so patient with her. When Hermione was finally ready, the pair made their way down to the great hall at the same pace Hermione had been moving all morning. 

When the girls arrived, they were greeted by a surprisingly cheerful bunch of boys waiting for them in their usual spot. Draco seemed to be getting along much better with Hermiones friends. And if he wasn't, they were all doing a wonderful job hiding it from her. The young witch took a deep breath and tried to smile. They all seemed so happy when she had smiled the night before. Just because she had lost the feeling didn't mean they had to right? As Hermione was going to claim her seat next to Draco, the pain once again intensified and she began to feel light headed. She quickly sat down. Her hands went to her head as the room started spinning around her. Hermione wasn't sure if it was because of the lack of food or if this was some sort of panic attack. She hated to admit it, it was most likely the lack of food. She may need to reevaluate if this was becoming a problem. If maybe she had developed an eating disorder. Before she had a chance to think about it further, she found herself running towards the nearest bathroom with Draco and Ginny following closely behind her. 

The feisty red head guarded the girls bathroom, scaring off any young women who tried to enter so that Draco could hold Hermiones hair back and then hold her small, shaking figure when she was finished. 

"I knew something was wrong when you began holing your head and your breath became heavier" Draco broke the silence with amusement in his voice. Hermione responded with a confused look. She had been breathing heavy? She didn't notice. The young witch raised a violently shaking hand with much difficulty to push a few loose curls out of her face. Instead her bony hand was gently grabbed by his pale one and she was met with eyes filled with concern. "Hermione what's going on? Are you ok?" All amusement had left his voice and was replaced with frantic worry. Hermione debated for a moment on if she should share what she her concerns about her eating habits. Seeing the amount of worry already written all over his face she thought it might be best to keep it to herself. She didn't feel right about giving him something else to worry about. He already practically had to babysit her everyday, it couldn't be enjoyable for him. "Hermione?" She had waited to long to answer. She silently cursed herself as she quickly thought of something to say. 

"I'm ok" was all she could think. She was the smartest witch of her age and she couldn't think of an answer. She hated how often she felt as though she had no answer to give people. No believable ones anyway. 

"Don't lie to me" Draco was growing impatient but was trying his hardest to remain calm. Hermione again took a moment to think before taking a deep breath and willing herself to tell the one she loved, and herself for that matter, the truth. 

"I don't know how this started." Her voice was small and delicate. Draco rubbed her back in soothing circles, silently willing her to go on. "I don't remember when the last time I ate was. I've been thinking back and its been at least a few days. Usually it doesn't go this long. Usually I eat before I get to this point but I guess it had slipped my mind." Hermione paused and looked down at her thin legs that were now entangled with Dracos on floor of the bathroom stall. She looked at the fabric of her stockings pooling around her ankles. She took another deep breath before continuing her confession. "I've charmed my clothes to fit me better six times and they're already starting to feel big again." She paused again and looked up at Draco once again. "I don't know why I'm doing this really. It just happened." Draco had known something was going on but he didn't think it was to this extent. Looking at her now he noticed the way her cheek bones showed more than before. He noticed her thin fingers and tiny wrists. That is the only skin that was ever shown. Draco leaned in and kissed his darlings forehead before slightly tugging at her uniform sweater.

"Can we take a look at the damage?" He spoke softly and comforting. Hermione didn't particularly like the use of the word 'damage' but she knew he meant no harm. So she nodded her head. Her nerves instantly shot up. She was only in a bra under her sweater and he had only seen her like that once or twice before and it wasn't by any means recent. It was before she could count her ribs. Before her collarbones were an inch off her chest. Before the grooves of her neck had grown deeper. Hermione tried and failed to lift the shirt over her head without the help of Draco who quickly assisted her. He felt bad for asking to see but he felt like he had to know the extent of what was going on. Dracos eyes widened as he saw the outline of every bone on her chest. He saw how much her waist drew in and how prominent her ribs were and felt tears come to his eyes. How could he not notice this was happening? He had placed his hands on her waist everyday and often ran his hands along her torso. How had he not felt the now obvious change in her body. How had she not noticed that days without eating when he had sat with her at nearly every meal. Draco gently wrapped his arms around his love, feeling like he might snap her small frame. "Let me take you to the hospital wing please." It was less of a request and more of a demand. It was shaky and barely audible but loud enough for Hermione to hear the pain she had caused him. She hated herself for it. Maybe getting other help would be best. She told her that if she could maybe stay in the hospital wing for a little while that it would be giving Draco a break from watching her. He deserved so much more than to be stuck with someone like her. So she nodded her head yes and desperately tried to stand on her own before giving in and letting Draco pick her up and carry her towards what would most likely be her home for a while. 

Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait! I realize this story seems very all over the place. This is because I'm trying to capture the ups and downs of the recovery process and how issues can stem from other issues as accurately as I can. No recovery is a straight line and this story is no different. Thank you so much for reading I hope you're enjoying!