Telegraph Ave: Oakland High

Chapter 30: Unspoken

Feeling my stomach turn, I knew I was no longer going to finish my sandwich. Wrapping it back up in the papers it came in, I sat on the hood of my car as every one of my friends came in closer with their undivided attention.

I was nervous because I've never been this open with anyone else besides my mother. A numb feeling invaded my hands and my heart accelerated to the lump of my throat. I've always wished to speak to more people I could relate too, but I realize whenever it's something personal, you'll always be apprehensive on that topic.

Now, I don't want to think about what I'm going to say, I just want to speak off the top of my head.

So not showing any emotion I smile and look into everybody's eyes.

"Everything goes back to elementary... the first time I saw how my life was going to change forever.

= Years Ago =

It was my first week in kindergarten, I learned about the term fat shame.

Let me remind you that I was a pretty big kid at this time. I wore a bigger size shoe than any other boy in that class, I was taller than most people, and I weighed more of course. Not only did I weigh more than anyone else, but I also had a stuttering problem that prohibited me from greeting others.

Throughout the rest of the year, it didn't take long before I realized people didn't like my appearance. It didn't really bother me at first, because I was always focused on being a happy young boy. As it continued on... it slowly got under my skin.

I got beat up for being overweight, teased because I had a speech problem, but that never changed the way I approached people. I was always the nice kid trying to make friends with others, and uplift those who went through the same problems I went through.

But that never stopped the bullying.

As I was becoming older, I came to a realization that it was only going to get worst. In my 3rd grade year, I had to fight every day at school when no teachers were there because that's when they prey on those who can't stand up for themselves. I was mocked, teased, downgraded... almost everything you could name in the book.

I'm so happy at that time I didn't struggle with depression. My mother made sure I was always happy when I came home... you're supposed to feel happy in you're home.

At school, I was always sad, and I would cry when anybody got the best of me. I wish I could tell you I knew how to fight back then, but real life isn't a fairy tale that you can manipulate. Whenever I went to the teachers about the bullying, it's like they never got into trouble for what they did.

That's when I began to feel like I was alone... like I was going through everything by myself. I already knew my mother couldn't be they're half of the time, so I kind of gave up on being truthful.

I slowly became a liar.

I thought, if maybe adding more to what that person did wrong, they would finally get what they deserved. But becoming a liar only took a toll on me in the worst way. When I got into fights and got beat up, of course, they would lie on me and say I started it, which I never did.

But the adults always believed them, which was fucking insane.

Because those people at that school knew me well enough, to be aware that I wasn't that kind of kid. I've been lied on by teachers, I've been pressured into saying things that I never committed, and at some point, I just wanted to end it all.